Pregnancy: Week 6

And so.. I've survived through another week of pregnancy! It's no joke, i tell you. This week, i felt worst.

My appetite changes from time to time. I felt the discomfort almost most of the time. I felt tired all day round. My mood swings alot. I felt cold and shivered in air-condition room at 26 degrees celcuis. And i think every changes that i'm experiencing, everything that i need to expect and get myself prepared, is far too overwhelming to me.

People say it's cause i'm still in my first trimester, that's why. And that i'll feel alot better towards my second trimester. Oh man, i really hope so and i just can't wait. I can't wait to get this over and done with.

I can't imagine with a bigger and heavily load, how will i feel then?? Oh gosh~~~

The First Joy You Brought To Us

I'm counting down towards my Week 6 of pregnancy. My embryo is only 1.24cm long. I've been experiencing signs of pregnancy last week, yet we only got it tested on Monday. PMS and pregnancy signs are almost similar.

Being in the beginning stage, as the featus is not fully developed yet, i've to be extra careful and rest alot for now.

The physical, mental and emotional changes are killing me somehow. I needed more attention from my Hubby more than ever, i got tired very very easily and my breasts are sore and full, my legs and arms cramps when i don't move after a period of time, my whole baby aches! And i've been feeding like a newborn. I eat almost every 4hrs.

Our first visit to the gynea this afternoon was fulfilling. He guided us on what to expect as we're first time parents. We got to see that small little angel and 2 weeks more to get to hear its heartbeat. I see hubby's glow and excitment. He's so anxious. So happy.

I hope what i'm experiencing now will not last throughout the whole pregnancy. Alot to learn now. Alot to work on now. I'm starting to feel really burned out. And oh god, it's only the 5th week. Another 35 weeks to go... *Phew*

Forgiveness

Many people hold onto a grudge because it offers the illusion of power and a perverse feeling of security. But in fact, we are held hostage by our anger. It is never too late to forgive.

I am especially wary of what I call "saintly forgiveness." Premature forgiveness is common among people who avoid conflict. They're afraid of their own anger and the anger of others. But their forgiveness is false. Their anger goes underground. I define forgiving as letting someone back into your heart. This returns us to a loving state -- and not merely within the relationship -- we feel good about ourselves and the world.

True forgiveness isn't easy, but it transforms us significantly. To forgive is to love and to feel worthy of love. In that sense, it is always worthwhile.

Forgiveness is love in its most noble form.

Just Breathe

Well, and so the first quarter of 2009 has just passed me by, just like that. Yes, just like that! Nothing special or exteremely exciting that i've to share with you guys. However, i just my current blog is filled with all my emotions. Mostly during the down times, BUT, i'm not exceptionally depressed or whatsoever. Just that, some how, the growing years bring thoughts and emotions that are overwhelming to me. Too overwhelming, in fact.

Anyhow, tuition has been really tough. Especially, when parents now are way too demanding. Not to me, but to their precious ones. Of course, i can understand the expectations each parents hold, to ensure their little ones receives the very best and BE the very best. I don't blame them. Just imagine the pressure and stress level my kids (still working on it) will be facing in future. Geezz~~~ I'm beginning to enjoy teaching all over again. Though tiring but i guess it's the matter or getting used to it, as well as managing it.

Living life away from home (my maiden's) is really rough and tough. Trying really hard to hang on and pull through, but sometimes i just lack the support and strength to do so. I can't deny that i don't make the best wife in the world, neither do i stand on a logical point at all times, nor have i been totally understanding at all times, BUT i'm really trying very hard to keep reminding myself that no matter what happens, life still goes on and i just have to live up to it. Expect less, hope less. I miss home badly. Terribly.

Learnt: that when you try to get even with someone, he will hurt you even more. Therefore, let love build its ways up and it will heal all wounds.

I'm amazed by how calm, relaxing and 'sober' i can get just taking a slow and quiet walk along the street, on my way home. Enjoy the sunset. Enjoy life as it is and just breathe....

When My Mind Is Still

When my mind is still and alone with the beating of my heart,
I remember things too easily forgotten:
The purity of early love,
The maturity of unselfish love that asks -- desires -- nothing but another's good,
The idealism that has persisted through all the tempest of life.

When my mind is still and alone with the beating of my heart,
I can find a quiet assurance, an inner peace, in the core of my being.
It can face the doubt, the loneliness, the anxiety,
Can accept these harsh realities and can even grow
Because of these challenges to my essential being.

When my mind is still and alone with the beating of my heart,
I can sense my basic humanity,
And then I know that all men and women are my brothers and sisters.
Nothing but my own fear and distrust can separate me from the love of friends.
If I can trust others, accept them, enjoy them,
Then my life shall surely be richer and more full.
If I can accept others, this will help them to be more truly themselves,
And they will be more able to accept me.

When my mind is still and alone with the beating of my heart,
I know how much life has given me:
The history of the race, friends and family,
The opportunity to work, the chance to build myself.
Then wells within me the urge to live more abundantly,
With greater trust and joy,
With more profound seriousness and earnest service,
And yet more calmly at the heart of life.

A Long Time

Right, and so lately i've been really busy and tired. Busy giving tuition. Busy preparing assessments and test papers. Busy with household chores. With one word, BUSY!

It's been a really long long time i went on a date, hang out with friends till late, chilling out with my girls gossiping and chatting about everything under the sun, hogged the DVD player and TV watching my endless HongKong dramas, stayed online surfing any other websites... ... ...

I need a break! A holiday, maybe. A treat to pamper myself.

Phew~~~

Live On

Sometimes i wish i can hide my emotions from myself.
Sometimes i wish you would rather say: "Don't cry, i'm here." than "I'm sleeping, can you just stop crying.

I seriously don't know what's with life or maybe with me nowadays, but i know i've lost myself along the journey. I don't know why, i don't know when, i don't know how.

People don't cry for no reasons right? People to get upset for no better reasons isn't it?

I don't need the world to be happy. I don't need to be flity rich to live happy. I don't need all of everyone's time to be happy. All i need is your understanding and sensitivity towards my feelings to be happy.

No? You think otherwise. Humans are selfish indeed. And that's life.

Live on.

Counting Down To CNY

CNY begins on Monday. Since last weekend, we've been busy buying new year goodies, doing the spring cleaning, stocking up food to cook, etc etc. This year's special to me, cause there are 2 families Hubby and i need to visit. Reunion dinner with 2 families as well. Today, we had our reunion dinner with my in-laws and tomorrow we'll be having reunion dinner with my parents. After which, we'll all go to River Angpow and to the temple. I'm so looking forward to it.

I specially love CNY. Not because i get to receive red packets but i love the fact that the family get together, do nothing but just spend time together. And this year, Hubby and i experienced the 'feel' of preparing red packets to be given out. Gosh!!!

I'm so excited!!

P/S: I've got lotsa photos to upload for all the outings and events that we've attended or organized, but i've so little time to 'glue' myself infront of the lappy to do so. And i'm very sure after CNY, i'll have even more photos to share. Phew~~~!!!

Have a great CNY everyone!!!

First Post In 2009

Okie, i'm 14 days late from the first day of 2009.

New year, new resolutions, new status.

I started off 2009 being wifey to someone, god-mother to 2 very lovely god-daughters, recovered from the car accident, permanently living with my in-laws, and terribly missing home.

First of all, a big THANK YOU to all my sisters who have helped out on my wedding and everyone who has witnessed and celebrated the very special day of ours with us. We had a great time, though tired, but happy! Really happy i mean! =D

We've also both recovered from the car accident. Though somehow i'm still traumatised by the accident, but i'm overcoming it kinda well. No front seat for me in future. Haa! Kidding. Thanks to those who was there with us to comfort and helped us on that scary night. Appreciate it alot. Especially to my parents and in-laws.

2 more days to Hubby's birthday. Have arranged with some of his buddies to be here with him and of course invited my very close friends to celebrate this day with him too. Hope to see all of them. :)

I'll be back to update soon... Don't have the heart to write at all, now.

Losing Patience

And so... I've been losing my patience very easily and frequently lately. Just the slightest thing that happened can trigger that damn flame in me! Of course, my poor Hubby has been putting up with this.

Hmmm... I don't know what has gotten into me. Maybe i all i need is some alone time.

Ah, just let me run away for awhile... ... ...

Impatient

Recently i'm stucked with this new hongkong drama, 珠光寶氣. And i'm really getting very impatient with it. Due to its new realise, DVD rental shops doesn't have this drama in full set yet. Therefore, i'm always going down to them asking for the latest episode. ARGH!!!

How i wish i'm in hongkong now... So that i can catch every episode on time. Haa!!!

Hubby is going nuts with me complaining to him over this. HAA!!!

All I See Is Myself

What pisses you most on a weekend or a public holiday?! It's when you tried so hard to wake the log up beside you , yet fail, then you try so hard to fall asleep again, yet can't cause of that damn air-con that's making so much noise, and then now, more than half of the day has passed, you're up all alone sitting infront of the damn monitor typing this! OMG~~~ How interesting can any weekends or public holiday be?!

It's always the case. When we plan activities or chores to do together the next day, he'll have to sleep in the whole damn day. Then only wakes up when everyone else is turning in. And then keep complaining that the dateline is getting closer, he's very stress, very tired, etc. Who else isn't tired and stress?! Everyone is. Who wants to spend any weekends or public holidays just by sleeping it away?! I bet nobody wants to too. But argh well, i've lost heart! I started to look into the mirror and talk to myself...

Everywhere i go, i only see myself...!!!

Goodness

I fell asleep, awoke, snack abit, watched TV, surf the net, lie on bed, got irritated by not being able to fall sleep again, and here i'm typing this shitting thing at this shitting hour. Argh, it's been the whole week i couldn't get to sleep, and even if i managed to fall asleep i don't sleep well. It's killing me. And the pimples are popping out! Goodness!!!

I'm pretty busy and stress with the wedding preparation and people asking me about it. Well, not that i'm very reluctant to share, but just that i need a break lah. Sometimes, i just hope i can shut everyone of them up! Haa. Anyway, i do appreciate their concern of course.

The actual day is drawing close and i'm starting to feel nervous. Anxiety. I'm starting to worry what else have i not done or prepare, what other things we need to buy, etc etc. The list never seems to end. My tasks never seems to be completed. Oh god, we really deserve a good break man. Sponsors, pls???

And yah, i need lotsa hanging out with friends to lighten off my load manz! Call me, girls.

For now, I NEED TO SLEEP! ARGH!!!

I'm Blessed

Am staring blankly into the monitor. Not knowing what to do. Hubby is playing mahjong with his buddies and i'm done watching the HongKong drama. Really tired, but also this might be just a good time for me to update this little space of mine.

Woke up early this morning, packing the house for painting. Shifting and cleaning, shifting and cleaning. Oh man, only today i realised how much Hubby has dote on me. Since we started renovating the place, Hubby has always try to do things himself and work on his own. Everytime when there's cleaning and shifting to be done, he'll always give me the priviledge to lie on bed and enjoy watching my drama or surf the net. Today, i decided to help up abit since he needs to go to work this morning, and it was a torture to me. Just half a day, i can feel my bones breaking. Oh gosh, it's really killing me. But not a bad thing though, at least i know how much effort and physical strength Hubby has put in to build up this little cosy nest of ours. :)

Looking at him now, i felt really blissful and blessed. I'm laughing at myself for those times we fight like there's no tomorrow, i got really pissed off by him not fulfilling what i want, i pissed him off by throwing temper at him.

I'm an adult now. I must really grow up and understand the fact that, i'm not living for myself only. I've got a family to be responsible for, a future to look forward to, and of course not forgetting wanting to bring joy to the family by having KIDS! Yeah, kids rule!!! Haa~~~

Okie, i don't what i'm ranting about now. My mind is really switch off now. But i know, i can't wait to see my girls again. Oh by the way, our wedding pictures are ready. Should be able to share with you guys soon...

We're So In Love

Alright... So, many have been asking me who exactly is my Mr Right, my Husband-to-be, my partner for life. To kill the anticipation of everyone, let me introduce my fiance, Mr Thomas Koh.

Cool? Well, i'm not going to start typing his biography here for everyone, but there's something about him, everyone out there must know. That is, HE'S MINE! Haa!!!

I don't have time to share all our photos with you guys, but here are afew... Do enjoy our lovey dovey memories... ;p

We're still so very in love....