Tears Only Make You Dependant

Lately, i've been really lost, or rather, i'm such a loser. Growing up is tough. Making decisions are tough. Having to learn to survive in this pragmatic world is tough. Having to challenge against myself emotionally and mentally is tough. To not have someone to understand how you feel and what you're going through is tough.

... ... ...

Overall, life is tough. And tears only make us more dependant.

Tightness in My Chest

I'll be setting off for a weekend get-away at Harris Batam Resort tomorrow afternoon, with The Boyfriend. Oh, i'm so looking forward. (Shall update once i'm back on Monday.)

This morning i was feeling rather unwell. The tightness in my chest is really killing me sometimes. I tried so hard to concentrate on my breathing so as to ease the pain. You know, i've got this same kinda shit a few years back. And that was when i was still teaching in school and studying part-time at night. Back then, it was worst. Cause i've got very bad migranes. My doctor's advices are to relax, breathe slowly, and slow down my foot steps. He thinks i'm too tensed. Okie, fine. So i took up Yoga. I started to let things come its way, and slow down my pace. Things got pretty much better i must say. So much so that i don't feel that tightness in my chest anymore.

Yet lately, this sucky feeling came back again. I'm not teaching, neither am i studying part-time now. At first, The Boyfriend and i thought maybe i'm too stress up about our wedding preparation and such. But nope! I realised last night that it's not the reason. The Boyfriend was pretty worried at first, as he thought i got so stressed up about marrying him that i almost break down.

And... The fact is... I don't know what am i really stress over too!

Have you guys have got this feeling when sometimes, you just wanna be left all alone? You don't wanna talk, you don't give a damn bout what's happening around you, you don't care how people look at you when you're walking along the streets or window-shopping aimlessly in a big mall alone. Even the most urgent matter don't seems urgent to you! Oh well, i felt this way lately. Yet when The Boyfriend asked, i didn't know how to explain to him.

This morning i felt that tightness in my chest again. I felt so restless. So sick. So terrible horrible. Till i got this,

The Boyfriend: "Baby, please consult a doctor, we have a holiday tomorrow my dear. Promise me to rest well today and enjoy the weekend with me. Please darling, please!

And my replied was such a pain-in-the-arse, "How to? I think i need to over time tonight."

The Boyfriend: "But you're not feeling well, you know. And i got ops tonight, won't be able to pick you."
Me: "It's fine. I'll be better off alone."
The Boyfriend: "No dear. :( My heart pain."

Argh, I'm such a bitch sometimes.

Sweetish

I recalled something sweet…

The Boyfriend: “Darling, where are you? I was frighten not seeing you beside me when i woke up.”
Me: “I’m a AMK Hub. Why?”
The Boyfriend: “What time you wanna come home?”
Me: “Soon. You want me to buy dinner is it?”
The Boyfriend: “No. I come and pick you.”
Me: “Nah, it’s alright. Don’t trouble. I’ll buy dinner for you, what would you like to have?”
The Boyfriend: “Darling, you know i don’t have anything to give you, neither do i’ve a chauffer to drive you around, i don’t have a big car too. All i’ve is my old car and myself to give you. So let me come pick you, okie? And we’ll go have dinner together.”

Right infront of my manicurist, i teared! She thought she had injured me or something. But, nope! The Boyfriend bring me to tears.

Sometimes, you really don't have to say much to express your love to someone. It's not the loud bombastic words you'd use, it's not the expensive gifts you'd buy, etc. It's the genuine love you've for someone. And those small little things that he has done, that doesn't seems to appeal to anyone else, except yourself.