Happy Holidays!

When the jingle bells ring, i know its time we reflect, bid the year goodbye and prepared to welcome another new year. For me, it holds another special meaning - to celebrate another marriage year with hubby.

2009 marks our 1st wedding anniversary. We faced alot of challenges through this year. From good to bad to worst, but i guess whats important is, at the end of the day, we both find the way back into each other arms again. Its not easy i must say. There are times when we break each other's heart, got really upset and disappointed with each other, scream our heads off, swear at each other with every word we had in our dictionary, etc etc. But there are also times when we cant bear to leave each other even for just a few hours, when we'll do silly things just to see that smile or hear the laughter, when you know we meant the whole world to each other, etc etc.

1 year being married, i must say i've learnt and grown alot. Knowing that i'll be welcoming 2010 being a mother, added stress and responsibilities, no doubt. But i guess, along the way, i'll learn, we'll learn. I can't guarantee, i'll be the best mum as well as the best wife for both my daughter and husband, but i'll do my best. Not forgetting, i'm trying my best to be a filial daughter to my parents as well.

I feel and know that i've let many down over the years, including myself. But i always tell myself, it's not the end and these are just temporary setbacks. I might avoid, might take a longer time to succeed, to repent or to make my mark again, but i wont resent. I'll hang on!

In the upcoming year, i've new roles to play, at the same time alot of things/tasks i would love to accomplish. I don't know if i can fulfill my list, but i'll be trying very hard. I don't ask of everyone's understand and support. But would love if my loved ones will stand by me and support me.

As i aged, i realised i yearn for things that most people my age wont. I don't ask for the indulgance in luxury, i don't need the attention from everyone, i don't fight for a stand or authority. What i yearn for is priceless. That is, more time with my family, more connection with my loved ones and more appreciation to the people and things surrounding me. Very old i might seemed, but when you've had enough of time busted and passed the phase of only living for yourself, you know the smile and laughter , well-being and happiness of your loved ones are utmost important - something that you'll fight and risk your life for.

To all my readers, what has 2009 brought you and what will you want your life chapter of 2010 be like? Will there be a history, you can sit by your grandchildren in future and be proud to share?? I know i would love to make history that someday in future, my grandchildren will be proud to share... ... ...

Have a great and enjoyable holiday!

POPing!

Alrightie, 10 more days to go... ... ...

Do keep a lookout for annoucement next week!

"See you, aunties and uncles!"

I CAN'T WAIT!!! (To get rid of the load!)

Coming Soon

Oh... I actually had my first feel of contraction a few days ago. Once in the morning. These are fake contractions (Braxton Hicks contractions), according to books and my gynea, this is suppose to prepare you for the real labour. Oh god! I really can't imagine me going into labour, trying to concentrate on breathing and push, push, PUSH!!!

Hubby is getting really excited as days passed. Shannon is arriving in about 9 weeks time. And again, according to most mummies, we should be expecting Shannon earlier since it's out first birth. Dr. Kee 'warned' us that Shannon can POP anytime after X'mas. Oh... I hope she doesn't arrive on our Wedding Anniversary day (31 Dec), please. I want her to be a January baby! ;p

I'm really starting to worry if i can really do the 100% natural birth plan. I hope i can! Really don't like the idea of having any other sorts of medications or needles poking into my body! And worst, i really didn't wanna face any after side effects. Just hope...

Hubby keep reassuring me that he'll be by my side to support me. I know he's being sweet. But i do also wish he can experience the pain together with me as well... Whahahaaha~~~

We're both looking forward... ... ... ... :D

Back In Shape

I need to go back to this size, desperately!!!!!!

Counting down... ... ...

9 more weeks to go... ... ...

*Fingers crossed. I hope i don't eat as much as i do now after delivery. Oh please, everyone do help me okie???!!! ;p

Till then, see you guys... :D

Infant Care

At the beginning of my pregnancy, i was very determine to be a stay-at-home-mum (SAHM). I strongly believe in being there for my baby for as long as i can throughout her growing years. Yet lately, i'm comtemplating in sending my girl to infant care after 6 months from birth. And i would love to step foot out there again to pursue my dreams to build my career path.

A part of me really wish to be a SAHM so that my baby will be given the best care and attention. Yet another part of me would love to 'find' myself, do what i would love to do.

I'm not sure if i'll be making a right decision to send her to infant care, or will i regret in future. I'm not sure if being a SAHM will be more satisfying or???

.................................................... (Just some thoughts i'm pondering over now. Nothing serious!)

Soon...

There is actually nothing much to blog about lately... Except that, i'm done with my 3 weeks temporary assignment and have earned some monnies to buy more stuffs for Shannon. :)

I'm almost 30 weeks through my pregnancy now. And all has been well, except for the fact that, Shannon is MORE active than before. I'm experiencing minor heartburns. Of course, the back aches and occasional headaches. Not forgetting the leg cramps! This, is terrible. Remember one night, i woke up screaming in pain. It was soo painful i can't even move my legs! And hubby has to wake up and massage for me while i slowly doze off to dreamland again... *bliss*

And oh yah, i just learnt how to differentiate when is Shannon moving and kicking (playing) and when is she having hiccups! Haa!! Quite fun though. Now, her kicks are getting more intense and painful. Not all the time. But during those times when it's painful, you can see me jump up with a fright or a sudden 'OUCH'! Haa!! Amazing?? Yes, i won't deny. Yet sometimes... It's too.... IRRITATING. Especially, when i wanna sleep or concentrate on doing other things.

Hubby enjoys being amused by all sorts of things Shannon can do now. He likes to wake her up (which in turn, wakes me up too), get her to do silly stuffs and then ignore her and he, goes to bed himself. Leaving both Shannon and i pretty much awake!

What makes everything worthwhile, is the glow and smile on hubby's face and knowing that Shannon will be physically in both our arms in no time...

Left Alone

Very often, we overlooked people or things around us. People that we've, things that we've. We want everything and everyone to do things or follow our ways...

Well, I must admit i'm guilty of these!

Yet, somehow life after marriage has changed me drastically. I put my loved ones before myself, I cherish and treasure time i've with them. I know, there's no such thing as ''we've a whole lifetime together''...

But very often i'm being neglected and left all alone by people who claimed they care and love me most...

Am I really asking for too much???

The Pain Still Lingers

Ahma, can you still hear me???

在细汉的时阵阮阿嬷对我尚好甲尚好的东西拢会留乎我伊嘛定定带我去幼稚园看人在七桃看人在办公伙儿

看人在觅相找伊定定跟阮说 叫阮着要好好仔读册呒通大汉像恁老爸仔彼呢啊狼狈ㄛ在彼个时阵　阮拢听拢呒阿嬷 你到底是在讲什么

大汉了后　才知影阿嬷的话我会甲永远永远放块心肝底想到一步一步的过去定定拢会乎人真难忘时间一分一秒块过去在阮的心内定定拢会想到伊

阿嬷你今嘛在叨位阮在叫你你甘有听到阮的认真甲阮的成功你甘有看到阮在叫你你知影没

阿嬷你今嘛过的好么甘有人块甲你照顾希望后世人阮搁会冻来乎你疼作你永远的孙仔搁叫你一声阿嬷

想到一步一步的过去定定拢会乎人真难忘时间一分一秒块过去在阮的心内定定拢会想到伊

Exactly what i've repeatedly kept saying to her in my heart. Except for the part, asking if she has seen my success. Which in fact, i've yet succeed in anything in life. I remember my last conversation with her, i still lied to her telling her that, yes i'm working when she asked me about it. But i don't have a job at all, to start off with.

I was scared. I couldn't accept the fact that i've lost her suddenly. I didn't wanna admit and face it. I couldn't even see her for the very last time. Deep down, everyday at her wake, i didn't like it when i see her picture. I just can't accept it.

Yet on the day of her funeral, the pain was so sharp, so strong that till today, it still lingers in me. I didn't know that i actually loved and missed her alot. And that day when we were at the temple, bidding our last goodbye, i saw my grandpa's picture beside hers. I cried even harder. The pain was so overwhelming. I do actually missed both of them ALOT.

Then i realised... I don't think i can accept any of my other loved ones leaving me. Again. Though i know one day people will sure go... But somehow, i wish i don't have to go through this pain again. And as silly as i can be, i wish i would go before any of them...

Oh... Time Flies!

Just when i was soundly asleep exceptionally early, my hubby has to repeatedly call me soooo many times to check what am i up to and if i needed supper! OMG!!! I wanted to kill him then. Haa. Because the problem with me, i won't be able to get back to sleep once i am awaken. I need to be up by 630am later. See, now i'm still so awake! I don't know what to do.

Worst, i'm constipated. We forgot to top-up our 'laxatives' from my gynea last week. Till now, i still have problems poo-ing, even after i've tried all means. I swear i ate lotsa fresh fruits, drink plenty of water, etc etc. But still no signs. Driving me nuts just thinking of ways to make myself poo!

I'm over and done with my 2nd trimester. Time flies, huh?! I'm actually quite excited now. The thought of having just 3 months left before my baby girl POP, is making me quite anxious. I don't know how will it be like after that. I'm definately looking forward to it, though.

Being in my 3rd trimester, means i'm feeling soo soooo soooooo much heavier! I feel really clumsy and BIG. Though, i was reassured that i didn't grow very much in size, BUT i still FEEL BIG! I hope physically i wont grow any bigger. "Shannon, please eat and drink whatever mummy eat and drink so that she'll not grow fat!" Did i mention we're going for a pregnancy photoshoot sometime in November? Yes, we're. Will upload photos of me personally then.

My back is really experiencing the pressure now. I can't sit, stand or even lie down for too long. I can't eat like nobody's business now, because it causes me to feel bloated and uncomfortable. So now, i take alot of meals but in small portions. I drink lotsa water, cause most of the time i feel thristy. And... I didn't had fish throughout my whole 2nd trimester cause it just makes me wanna puke. Come to think of it, i LOVE fish before i was pregnant! Haa!

On the side note, marriage has been bittersweet. Hubby and i had our fair share of happy times, tearful moments, disagreements, 'cold-wars', etc etc. Sometimes, he made me really upset and disappointed that i was sooo despair and really have doubts. Yet every single time, he has his ways to snuggle right up into my arms again. (I've got a big baby, man.) We still have alot to learn from each other, alot to compromise and alot of issues here and there for us to resolve. Not mentioning, we've got another challenge coming her way. But i guess, everything will find its own way. Let's just hope for the best.

If

If i've a choice, i would love to re-live my adulthood again. I would make decisions i wouldn't have made, i wouldn't have made mistakes i've made. I would ensure whatever i do, i wouldn't have regretted. I would do alot of things in different ways.

If only i've a choice...

Now... It seems like, i don't have a choice, except to live on and make the best outta my life.

A New Look

All these while, i've been with my long straight hair.

No change. Except for the occasional hair cut, the bangs, or parting of fringe.

Reason being, i never thought curls will look good in me. Cause i've got thick heavy stubborn hair. Yet recently, i'm crazy over having curls. Of course, being pregnant i know no hairstylist will do my curls for me. So, i borrowed a hair curler from Fannie and try doing it myself.

So, i must say, i like it alot. But on days, i managed to get it done very nicely. Perfect. But on days, i just couldn't get it fix and i gotta leave the house with that ugly curls. Haa!

Hubby love the curls, though. So, i'm so going to get it done once i've POP my little girl. Looking forward... 18 more weeks!

Amazed

Last night, Shannon was really active. She kept moving non-stop and i can't get to sleep.

I tried holding onto hubby's hand, close to my tummy, hoping he can feel his girl move. Suddenly, he exclaimed: "I feel it!". Oh.. I was so surprised then. Cuz Shannon is still very small at this stage, therefore, i thought only i can feel her moving.

What amazed me most is, when i ask her to move harder to let her daddy feel her again, she really did move again. This time, her kick was firm.

I'm amazed!

This is such a bliss. :)

Mondays Are Never Blue

What to do on a Monday afternoon???

Find a place to relax, have a good lloooonnnngggg lunch, enjoy a good cuppa tea and.... Read your favourite novel!

Well, not only on Mondays, i spent most of my available weekdays enjoying my afternoon this way. =D

What's best? You know your best girlfriend (Babe, i think we can celebrate our one decade anniversary?!) enjoys doing the same thing too! Awww... Sometimes, you just don't have a speak to make yourself known.

Mondays are never blue... ;p

Shannon or Daphne?

Alrightie. I know i've been missing from updates. Lotsa it, in fact. But i'm so lazy... (Blogging needs 'mood', you know!)

Anyway, i'm already 18 weeks pregnant. And my bump is physically visible now! You'd be surprised, there're lotsa people out there who are very inconsiderate and ignorant! Young boys think their lives are more important, youth think that they needed rest time more than you do (and oh, think that their shoes are made of gold!), adults who are rude and inconsiderate, the list goes on. It's the old folks who give up their seats to you, help you with the door, help you with your food, etc etc. OMG!!! What has the world turn into???

Among all, i'm even more ashamed to say that, it's the Chinese who are the most selfish ones. Over these few weeks, it's always the other races who are giving up their seats to me, helping me with the door, etc etc. We've Chinese here in SG, young ones, knowing that you've been waiting for a cab along the road for so long, standing for so long and finally saw one available cab approaching you, he can just stand infront of you and hopped into it. He doesn't feel ashamed neither was he apologetic. AHHH!!! I tell you, i've got so many incidents to share about all these inconsiderate people. Whahaha~~

Okie, back to my pregnancy updates. not sure if i've mentioned about my complication, Placenta Seperation, in my blog before, but i'm sure you (my friends) should have heard from me personally. Good news, i'm recovering from it. No more bleeding. But still on medication and rest. Other than this, i've been feeling the 'stretching' sensation and slight pain on my abdomen, tummy area and back! Oh dear, i can't imagine when the load gets heavier. Hopefully, it won't be as bad as i thought. (Promise, pictures up soon!)

Okie, and another news is... Our baby is... A.... GIRL!!! I'm still considering if i should decide on the name Shannon or Daphne. People, pls comment! By the way, if you need to know, her surname will be Koh.

So when it's a girl, means more money spending, more shopping, more protective, more vain, more of everything! Whahaha~~~ I can't resist the temptation of all the sweet clothes and stuffs. But i know baby outgrown them very fast and i'm sure she will have lotsa passed downs from all the sisters.. So.. Control, control, control!

I seriously can't wait for her to arrive! Impatiently...

How Can I Not Worry?

Hmmm... What makes an expecting woman worried most???

When she see red!! Yes, yes. I'm having some kinda complications, called the Placenta Seperation. Accordingly to my gynea, mine is just minor as my placenta is not seperated from my uterus wall very badly. However, if it continue to 'split', then it'll be a very bad sign as my baby won't be able to get sufficent nutrients, water, food from me. Till date, everything is still under control and my baby is growing well. Still, how can i not worry???

On a side note, my tummy is showing now. I'm still eating alot. But i guess it's fine, as i eat with small portions every meals. I'm still having breakouts and losing alot of hair each day! I can't fit into my skirts, shorts and pants now. Sobz!!!

Need to get a fews new stretchable pants, shorts and skirts, and maybe some babydoll dresses. You know, maternity wears are really expensive!!! ;p

And oh yah, my sis had given birth to a lovely boy, Tino. Haven't have a chance to hold him in my arms yet. But will go visit them again soon. :)

I'm so random today. Very tired now. Bye... ...

Nothing More I Could Asked For

Have you ever sit in front of the window, looking out at a open field, enjoying the raining breeze with a cuppa of hot tea, spending some quiet time to yourself and realised that you're actually very contented, loved and fortunate???

Oh well, i do.

I'm a stay-home-wife. My hubby works to supports the household and family. I never need to worry about not being able to meet the datelines, or worry if i'm making enough, all i need to do is open my mouth and ask. Yes, as useless as i can be. My hubby has never complained that i don't clean the whole house, i don't cook, i don't share his load and burden.

Seems like i've got a good life and everything i want? Nope. Price to pay? You don't get to see your hubby everyday, cause when he is home, you're soundly asleep, when you're awake, he's either still sleeping or is already out at work. Most of the time, you face the 42" TV at home and make friends with the nicely painted walls.

How sad that can be? Nope. Hubby wants me to go out with friends, he let's me do and go anywhere i want to, so long as i'll be home safely every end of day.

Shouldn't i be happy with life like that? Sadly, nope. Yes i'm contented, i'm loved and i'm really fortunate. But i guess i'm not as happy as who i was before.

The only time when i'm really happy, is when hubby is back home by my side, hugging me to sleep, kissing me goodnight/morning, making sure i'm feeling warm under the blanket, calls me any minute he can to say he miss me or to check on me, and spending time with me and my family over the weekends.

There's nothing more i could asked for, seriously.

Pregnancy: Week 12

Woohoo!!! I'm half way through out week 12 and i can't wait to bid our first trimester goodbye!

Yes, the shorts and skirts and getting tighter. Most of my dresses doesn't fit nicely now. And i'm left with a few choices of clothes. So actually i feel very uniformed these days... I need people to share their trendy maternity clothes with me! Any givers??? Hee~~~

And yes, the outbreaks aren't getting any better. Worst in fact! And on some days, i'm just to frecked out to leave the house. OMG~~~

I feel very fat and heavy! That's why i can't imagine i've still got 2 more trimester to survive through. I'm going be like a big giant! And oh.. My hubby won't wanna see by then... Sobz! Whahaha!!!

Anyway, we went for our OSCAR test last Friday. Results not known then. But we'll be visiting the Gynea next week, so we'll be able to get the results by then. Hopefully, i don't receive any calls from Dr. Kee. No news is good news!

I was really amazed by the fact that my baby has developed his legs and hands, eyes and nose. I saw him waving and stroking his own head from the ultrasound. Too bad, i can't video that down and show it to you guys! But... I can show you guys a picture of him!!! ;p

I'm so looking forward to start our second trimester. Oh, com'on baby!!!

What To Do?

What to do to make yourself feel better during the terrible 1st trimester of pregnancy???

Trim. Trim your hair. Or change a new hair style. I went to trim my hair. Feels lighter now. And i like it. Though i don't look any different, but i feel different! And that's what's most important! To feel good.

Shop. Start looking around for reasonable, affordable maternity clothes. Like skirts, shorts, pants and dresses. Or anything that fits you comfortably. When you wear comfortably, you feel good, and ultimately you look good.

Pamper. Yes yes yes!!! Go for facials, put on masks, mosturize your face and body, go for pedicure and menicure, make-up, dress up, anything, everything! Go for high-teas, hang out with friends, go for a movie, etc etc. Anything that will make you feel happy, go!

Clean. Clean your room. Plan for space to accomodate your new addition to the family.

Talk. Talk, talk and talk. Talk about anything that bothers you, excites you, amuses you, everything. Talk to people to enjoy talking to. Your parents, siblings, spouse, friends, relatives.

Eat. Eat what you like, except for those that your gynea specifically instructed you to avoid. Eat when you feel like to. Eat when you crave for something. But of course, to make sure you don't grow into the plus size within these 9 months, eat with moderation. Take fruits. Drink juices and plenty of water.

Sleep. Take naps. Rest when you're tired.

Well, these are what i do everyday. Might sound boring to you. But these are what makes me feel better everyday. These made my everyday happier. I'm looking forward to start my 2nd trimester, so that i can start doing Yoga and some excerises. Woohoo~~~!!! Can't wait...

Till then... ...

Big Baby

This afternoon we went for our Week 10 check-up. This time to check if our baby's head has developed, heart rate, limbs, and my overall well-being.

And so, as you can see, our baby has developed normally till date and according to our gynea, our baby is a big baby (till date) too! As in by book, it's measuring at a 11 weeks old baby when by right, it's only a 10 weeks old baby. And, i've only gained 1kg so far! You can see my little bump now. I swear, i've already poo, urined, and this is NOT taken after a meal. Hee~~~

Amazingly, i must say i can feel that my baby can actually feel and hear me now. (Must be the mother's instinct.) Hubby also talks to our baby whenever he can. And when he saw his baby's head and heart beating this afternoon, i saw this glow he has. So beautiful. :)

Well, everything 'inside' is good. But everything outside, like tiny-weeny stretched marks, breakouts, dry skin, hair growing, dry lips, etc etc, are starting to knock on my doors! Oh... I wanna be a pretty mama! I wanna be a pretty preggy! ;p

Hubby has been really sweet so far and understanding as well. Though sometimes, he still gets overwhelmed by my never ending changes and demands, i know he is trying his best to make me feel better in any and many ways. And i really appreciate that alot.

2 more weeks to our OSCAR test... *phew*

Feeling Good

"Baby, you be good, let mummy sleep well tonight, wake up feeling good tomorrow, and mummy will bring you out for a walk, okie? Good night." I said.

Today, i woke up feeling a little discomfortable and again, i told my baby the same thing. After lunch, i felt so much better. Went for a shower, dressed up, and off we go. Met up with some friends for afternoon tea and dinner. When i reached home just now, i managed to even packed the whole room, did some spring cleaning, cleared some books, tidy up the room and wardrobe (when i can't stand the heat from the ironing, Hubby doesn't bother ironing his clothes now, and worst, he just throw all clothes into the wardrobe without packing it).

Well, i knew his wardrobe was at war, but i didn't wanna do anything to it, so just to see if he does it. Day by day, now weeks, his wardrobe is still at war! I finally packed it for him awhile ago. So happened he called, and i whined on and on about it, and he finally said he will do it tonight when he's home. (I seriously have a evil thought to mess up the whole of his wardrobe again!)

P/S: Before we got married, he always do the ironing, packed the wardrobe, clean the room. Now, he clean it once a week, i've never seen him ironing clothes or packed the wardrobe anymore. MEN!!!

Anyway, i had a great time going out, packing and clearing the room and wardrobes today. :)

Pregnancy: Week 8

Appetite is better. Pimples are popping out. Hubby notice i grew a little rounder. My breast are full and heavy, but it doesn't hurt as much now. I'm slowly getting used to the aches and changes. Trying very hard to be really diligent everyday to apply moisturising cream on my waist, tummy, buttocks and thighs!

2 more weeks to our next appointment with the gynea. And this time we should be able to see a more developed and grown baby. We're actually looking forward. As we can't visually see a growing tummy now, we specially look forward to our appointment to see if our baby is growing healthy and well.

My mood swings are bad though. And i'm getting so so tired and restless. Really hope i can get through this soon and enjoy the remaining journey...

Pregnancy: Week 7

This week passed really quickly. And i was relieved! Most days are spend at my maiden's, hanging out with my parents, and trying to explore my changing body.

Now i know having small frequent meals at night till i finally decided go to bed, ease my discomforts during the day when i wake up. I carry a water bottle everywhere i go now, cause i felt thristy very frequently now. I frequent the toilets alot too! I got pissed off by inconsiderate parents and kids in public transports, and those reckless taxi drivers.

I really eat alot these days. But the lucky thing is, i'm still maintaining the weight. But i know i'm gonna bid bye-bye to this in a month's time. Boo-whoo!!

Anyway, we went to the gynea on Saturday and did an ultrascan. Baby's normal and growing. But this time it amazed us even more. It's heartbeat. Very strong and fast! 158bpm. Faster than mine! Whoosh~~~!!! And you can see something flickering on the screen (the heartbeat) which makes you wanna cry... Omg~~ I'm amazed!

The next time i'm gonna cry over is my growing belly.... .... .....

Pregnancy: Week 6

And so.. I've survived through another week of pregnancy! It's no joke, i tell you. This week, i felt worst.

My appetite changes from time to time. I felt the discomfort almost most of the time. I felt tired all day round. My mood swings alot. I felt cold and shivered in air-condition room at 26 degrees celcuis. And i think every changes that i'm experiencing, everything that i need to expect and get myself prepared, is far too overwhelming to me.

People say it's cause i'm still in my first trimester, that's why. And that i'll feel alot better towards my second trimester. Oh man, i really hope so and i just can't wait. I can't wait to get this over and done with.

I can't imagine with a bigger and heavily load, how will i feel then?? Oh gosh~~~

The First Joy You Brought To Us

I'm counting down towards my Week 6 of pregnancy. My embryo is only 1.24cm long. I've been experiencing signs of pregnancy last week, yet we only got it tested on Monday. PMS and pregnancy signs are almost similar.

Being in the beginning stage, as the featus is not fully developed yet, i've to be extra careful and rest alot for now.

The physical, mental and emotional changes are killing me somehow. I needed more attention from my Hubby more than ever, i got tired very very easily and my breasts are sore and full, my legs and arms cramps when i don't move after a period of time, my whole baby aches! And i've been feeding like a newborn. I eat almost every 4hrs.

Our first visit to the gynea this afternoon was fulfilling. He guided us on what to expect as we're first time parents. We got to see that small little angel and 2 weeks more to get to hear its heartbeat. I see hubby's glow and excitment. He's so anxious. So happy.

I hope what i'm experiencing now will not last throughout the whole pregnancy. Alot to learn now. Alot to work on now. I'm starting to feel really burned out. And oh god, it's only the 5th week. Another 35 weeks to go... *Phew*

Forgiveness

Many people hold onto a grudge because it offers the illusion of power and a perverse feeling of security. But in fact, we are held hostage by our anger. It is never too late to forgive.

I am especially wary of what I call "saintly forgiveness." Premature forgiveness is common among people who avoid conflict. They're afraid of their own anger and the anger of others. But their forgiveness is false. Their anger goes underground. I define forgiving as letting someone back into your heart. This returns us to a loving state -- and not merely within the relationship -- we feel good about ourselves and the world.

True forgiveness isn't easy, but it transforms us significantly. To forgive is to love and to feel worthy of love. In that sense, it is always worthwhile.

Forgiveness is love in its most noble form.

Just Breathe

Well, and so the first quarter of 2009 has just passed me by, just like that. Yes, just like that! Nothing special or exteremely exciting that i've to share with you guys. However, i just my current blog is filled with all my emotions. Mostly during the down times, BUT, i'm not exceptionally depressed or whatsoever. Just that, some how, the growing years bring thoughts and emotions that are overwhelming to me. Too overwhelming, in fact.

Anyhow, tuition has been really tough. Especially, when parents now are way too demanding. Not to me, but to their precious ones. Of course, i can understand the expectations each parents hold, to ensure their little ones receives the very best and BE the very best. I don't blame them. Just imagine the pressure and stress level my kids (still working on it) will be facing in future. Geezz~~~ I'm beginning to enjoy teaching all over again. Though tiring but i guess it's the matter or getting used to it, as well as managing it.

Living life away from home (my maiden's) is really rough and tough. Trying really hard to hang on and pull through, but sometimes i just lack the support and strength to do so. I can't deny that i don't make the best wife in the world, neither do i stand on a logical point at all times, nor have i been totally understanding at all times, BUT i'm really trying very hard to keep reminding myself that no matter what happens, life still goes on and i just have to live up to it. Expect less, hope less. I miss home badly. Terribly.

Learnt: that when you try to get even with someone, he will hurt you even more. Therefore, let love build its ways up and it will heal all wounds.

I'm amazed by how calm, relaxing and 'sober' i can get just taking a slow and quiet walk along the street, on my way home. Enjoy the sunset. Enjoy life as it is and just breathe....

When My Mind Is Still

When my mind is still and alone with the beating of my heart,
I remember things too easily forgotten:
The purity of early love,
The maturity of unselfish love that asks -- desires -- nothing but another's good,
The idealism that has persisted through all the tempest of life.

When my mind is still and alone with the beating of my heart,
I can find a quiet assurance, an inner peace, in the core of my being.
It can face the doubt, the loneliness, the anxiety,
Can accept these harsh realities and can even grow
Because of these challenges to my essential being.

When my mind is still and alone with the beating of my heart,
I can sense my basic humanity,
And then I know that all men and women are my brothers and sisters.
Nothing but my own fear and distrust can separate me from the love of friends.
If I can trust others, accept them, enjoy them,
Then my life shall surely be richer and more full.
If I can accept others, this will help them to be more truly themselves,
And they will be more able to accept me.

When my mind is still and alone with the beating of my heart,
I know how much life has given me:
The history of the race, friends and family,
The opportunity to work, the chance to build myself.
Then wells within me the urge to live more abundantly,
With greater trust and joy,
With more profound seriousness and earnest service,
And yet more calmly at the heart of life.

A Long Time

Right, and so lately i've been really busy and tired. Busy giving tuition. Busy preparing assessments and test papers. Busy with household chores. With one word, BUSY!

It's been a really long long time i went on a date, hang out with friends till late, chilling out with my girls gossiping and chatting about everything under the sun, hogged the DVD player and TV watching my endless HongKong dramas, stayed online surfing any other websites... ... ...

I need a break! A holiday, maybe. A treat to pamper myself.

Phew~~~

Live On

Sometimes i wish i can hide my emotions from myself.
Sometimes i wish you would rather say: "Don't cry, i'm here." than "I'm sleeping, can you just stop crying.

I seriously don't know what's with life or maybe with me nowadays, but i know i've lost myself along the journey. I don't know why, i don't know when, i don't know how.

People don't cry for no reasons right? People to get upset for no better reasons isn't it?

I don't need the world to be happy. I don't need to be flity rich to live happy. I don't need all of everyone's time to be happy. All i need is your understanding and sensitivity towards my feelings to be happy.

No? You think otherwise. Humans are selfish indeed. And that's life.

Live on.

Counting Down To CNY

CNY begins on Monday. Since last weekend, we've been busy buying new year goodies, doing the spring cleaning, stocking up food to cook, etc etc. This year's special to me, cause there are 2 families Hubby and i need to visit. Reunion dinner with 2 families as well. Today, we had our reunion dinner with my in-laws and tomorrow we'll be having reunion dinner with my parents. After which, we'll all go to River Angpow and to the temple. I'm so looking forward to it.

I specially love CNY. Not because i get to receive red packets but i love the fact that the family get together, do nothing but just spend time together. And this year, Hubby and i experienced the 'feel' of preparing red packets to be given out. Gosh!!!

I'm so excited!!

P/S: I've got lotsa photos to upload for all the outings and events that we've attended or organized, but i've so little time to 'glue' myself infront of the lappy to do so. And i'm very sure after CNY, i'll have even more photos to share. Phew~~~!!!

Have a great CNY everyone!!!

First Post In 2009

Okie, i'm 14 days late from the first day of 2009.

New year, new resolutions, new status.

I started off 2009 being wifey to someone, god-mother to 2 very lovely god-daughters, recovered from the car accident, permanently living with my in-laws, and terribly missing home.

First of all, a big THANK YOU to all my sisters who have helped out on my wedding and everyone who has witnessed and celebrated the very special day of ours with us. We had a great time, though tired, but happy! Really happy i mean! =D

We've also both recovered from the car accident. Though somehow i'm still traumatised by the accident, but i'm overcoming it kinda well. No front seat for me in future. Haa! Kidding. Thanks to those who was there with us to comfort and helped us on that scary night. Appreciate it alot. Especially to my parents and in-laws.

2 more days to Hubby's birthday. Have arranged with some of his buddies to be here with him and of course invited my very close friends to celebrate this day with him too. Hope to see all of them. :)

I'll be back to update soon... Don't have the heart to write at all, now.