An Hour

"If am left with an hour to live, i'll wanna spend my last hour with you. To share with you all our good times and will want you to know that i appreciate having you through our tough times as well. And when i'm left with an hour to love, i'll want you to slow down with life and listen to yourself, feel your heart, cause that's where i'll always be..."

Had a long and lonely journey home last night after dinner with Felicia. While listening to my MP3 and looking outta bus's window, observing every moving traffic, i start to realise how short an hour is. Yes, the journey might be long. But when you stop the rush and slow down to look at things, appreciating it, an hour is really a very short period.

The Boyfriend always say: "We've a whole lifetime to do whatever we wanna do together." Yet, he didn't realise how short even an hour is. Yes, the fact that he emphasis on how much he can't wait to spend the rest of his life with me and how much he loves me, sometimes i just hope he'd slow down a little bit to sit beside me, appreciate what we have and to just spend some quiet time together.

The Boyfriend always tried his best to provide me with everything and giving me what he can, and he is still trying. But never did he know that, i don't need him to earn big bucks, i don't need all of his time or even expect him to put me in his first priority in every situations. All i need is just a little bit of his time to share with me his life and to share with me my life.

On a side note, my family have been really encouraging and comforting as well. My parents have stood by me all these while when i needed their TLC the most. My sister has been a great company and a great help on The Boyfriend's side business as well. Sarah has grown up so much and is healthy and strong. Love her to bits. Her smile just never fail to put a smile on my face as well..

Friends: Have been making effort to catch up with some friends every other day for dinner and such. And hearing them share what had happened to them lately is really interesting. And also made me realised how much i've neglected my friends. How much i haven't been listening to them. And how much i've forgot that as much as i needed to be there for me, they need me to be there for them too. I really hope that at any point of time, if i render any help, i would really love to reach out my hands.

Well, i don't know what it is that's on my mind now. Maybe i'm just feeling a little moody and exhuasted. Whatever it is, i hope this phase pass soon...

Take it Easy, Take it Slow

How many times do we just always stay focus and tell ourselves that, "hey, the dateline is up!", or, "hey, why are we still waiting?", etc. And many times bacause we forget to slow down, we overlooked the other stuffs (suppose to be beautiful stuffs) in life.

To certain aspects, i'm a perfectionist. I make sure i'll complete a task that worth compliments, i make sure everything are in place, i make sure the right stuffs go into the right drawers, i make sure the books are arranged accordingly, i make sure that all my letters drafted are perfect with no spelling mistakes, etc etc. I remember in school days, we are always asked to hand in drawings for art classes. Like drawings of an apple, the garden, a pencil, the pond, the sky, etc. And i'm always the last one to hand in my drawings! Reason being, i'm always expecting myself to draw the best. To make sure i've detailed all the details and such. Is either i do the best and hand in last / late, or i'll not hand in at all. (Note: this only applies during school days. Try to do this in the corporate industry and you'd be fired!)

Since young, i've been taught by my parents that whatever i decided to do, i do it wholeheartedly and do it with grace. I musn't use the short-cuts, i musn't give up half way, i must be persistent and consistent, i must have determination, i must be diligent, the list goes on. At present, i always wanna do and give the best.

Sometimes, i pre-plan things and expect it to turn out the way i want it to be. I want things to be right in the shortest time possible. I want to be the one controlling over time and not the other way round. That's why sometimes, i just don't understand the phase, "time will tell". Tell what???!!! We're the ones who are suppose to tell. But i understand sometimes, because of me, i tend to give people unneccesary stress. And i've to admit, i'm one of my victim.

Lately, i've been rather moody. For the fact that i didn't have time to myself at all. Every single days for the past weeks, are filled with activities / appointments. And everytime i thought i got an evening free to myself, i dozed off shortly after i shower and the next moment i open my eyes again, it's time to prepare for work.

One thing i learnt recently, is to slow down. Row the boat slowly and enjoy the breeze. Walk a little slower to see the moving traffic. Take it easy, for i've my whole lifetime to work things out. I don't know how true is this? But this time, i'm really gonna slow down and take things easy...