The Pain Still Lingers

Ahma, can you still hear me???

在细汉的时阵阮阿嬷对我尚好甲尚好的东西拢会留乎我伊嘛定定带我去幼稚园看人在七桃看人在办公伙儿

看人在觅相找伊定定跟阮说 叫阮着要好好仔读册呒通大汉像恁老爸仔彼呢啊狼狈ㄛ在彼个时阵　阮拢听拢呒阿嬷 你到底是在讲什么

大汉了后　才知影阿嬷的话我会甲永远永远放块心肝底想到一步一步的过去定定拢会乎人真难忘时间一分一秒块过去在阮的心内定定拢会想到伊

阿嬷你今嘛在叨位阮在叫你你甘有听到阮的认真甲阮的成功你甘有看到阮在叫你你知影没

阿嬷你今嘛过的好么甘有人块甲你照顾希望后世人阮搁会冻来乎你疼作你永远的孙仔搁叫你一声阿嬷

想到一步一步的过去定定拢会乎人真难忘时间一分一秒块过去在阮的心内定定拢会想到伊

Exactly what i've repeatedly kept saying to her in my heart. Except for the part, asking if she has seen my success. Which in fact, i've yet succeed in anything in life. I remember my last conversation with her, i still lied to her telling her that, yes i'm working when she asked me about it. But i don't have a job at all, to start off with.

I was scared. I couldn't accept the fact that i've lost her suddenly. I didn't wanna admit and face it. I couldn't even see her for the very last time. Deep down, everyday at her wake, i didn't like it when i see her picture. I just can't accept it.

Yet on the day of her funeral, the pain was so sharp, so strong that till today, it still lingers in me. I didn't know that i actually loved and missed her alot. And that day when we were at the temple, bidding our last goodbye, i saw my grandpa's picture beside hers. I cried even harder. The pain was so overwhelming. I do actually missed both of them ALOT.

Then i realised... I don't think i can accept any of my other loved ones leaving me. Again. Though i know one day people will sure go... But somehow, i wish i don't have to go through this pain again. And as silly as i can be, i wish i would go before any of them...

Oh... Time Flies!

Just when i was soundly asleep exceptionally early, my hubby has to repeatedly call me soooo many times to check what am i up to and if i needed supper! OMG!!! I wanted to kill him then. Haa. Because the problem with me, i won't be able to get back to sleep once i am awaken. I need to be up by 630am later. See, now i'm still so awake! I don't know what to do.

Worst, i'm constipated. We forgot to top-up our 'laxatives' from my gynea last week. Till now, i still have problems poo-ing, even after i've tried all means. I swear i ate lotsa fresh fruits, drink plenty of water, etc etc. But still no signs. Driving me nuts just thinking of ways to make myself poo!

I'm over and done with my 2nd trimester. Time flies, huh?! I'm actually quite excited now. The thought of having just 3 months left before my baby girl POP, is making me quite anxious. I don't know how will it be like after that. I'm definately looking forward to it, though.

Being in my 3rd trimester, means i'm feeling soo soooo soooooo much heavier! I feel really clumsy and BIG. Though, i was reassured that i didn't grow very much in size, BUT i still FEEL BIG! I hope physically i wont grow any bigger. "Shannon, please eat and drink whatever mummy eat and drink so that she'll not grow fat!" Did i mention we're going for a pregnancy photoshoot sometime in November? Yes, we're. Will upload photos of me personally then.

My back is really experiencing the pressure now. I can't sit, stand or even lie down for too long. I can't eat like nobody's business now, because it causes me to feel bloated and uncomfortable. So now, i take alot of meals but in small portions. I drink lotsa water, cause most of the time i feel thristy. And... I didn't had fish throughout my whole 2nd trimester cause it just makes me wanna puke. Come to think of it, i LOVE fish before i was pregnant! Haa!

On the side note, marriage has been bittersweet. Hubby and i had our fair share of happy times, tearful moments, disagreements, 'cold-wars', etc etc. Sometimes, he made me really upset and disappointed that i was sooo despair and really have doubts. Yet every single time, he has his ways to snuggle right up into my arms again. (I've got a big baby, man.) We still have alot to learn from each other, alot to compromise and alot of issues here and there for us to resolve. Not mentioning, we've got another challenge coming her way. But i guess, everything will find its own way. Let's just hope for the best.

If

If i've a choice, i would love to re-live my adulthood again. I would make decisions i wouldn't have made, i wouldn't have made mistakes i've made. I would ensure whatever i do, i wouldn't have regretted. I would do alot of things in different ways.

If only i've a choice...

Now... It seems like, i don't have a choice, except to live on and make the best outta my life.

A New Look

All these while, i've been with my long straight hair.

No change. Except for the occasional hair cut, the bangs, or parting of fringe.

Reason being, i never thought curls will look good in me. Cause i've got thick heavy stubborn hair. Yet recently, i'm crazy over having curls. Of course, being pregnant i know no hairstylist will do my curls for me. So, i borrowed a hair curler from Fannie and try doing it myself.

So, i must say, i like it alot. But on days, i managed to get it done very nicely. Perfect. But on days, i just couldn't get it fix and i gotta leave the house with that ugly curls. Haa!

Hubby love the curls, though. So, i'm so going to get it done once i've POP my little girl. Looking forward... 18 more weeks!