Balance

Lately i've been receiving news after news on marriage, pregnancies, new borns....

I looked back and allow myself to indulge in the happiness i once used to experience. However, i slapped myself awake and wonder. Are all these decision my pals are making a right one or not?

I must say i went through my fair bit of disappointments, anger, fustrations, of the decision i made 2 years ago. I struggled. At times, i still thought i would be better off alone, and happier! Yet of course, being a wife has brought my joy as well. It gave me a chance to give birth to a lovable little girl. Being a mother definately brought me joy and alot of fulfilling achievements.

There is a price to pay. Sacrifizes you have to make. Forgiveness you have to give. You have to be willing to tolerate. You have to accept the fact that, things change, people change. You have to keep learning everyday. It's not easy.

I always believe so long as there is love, nothing else matters. Love will pull us through. Love will make us stronger. And when you start to take each other for granted or no longer make an effort to create sparks, nothing works!

It's a balance. Yet, it takes more than just effort to create balance. Takes more than just talk, more than just expecting.

When Communication Breaks Down

What do you do when you know someone close to you, your loved ones, are facing a rough patch in their marriage???

You console them, talk to them, advice them, share your own real experiences with them and hope that they will change their mind and think again.

When it comes to my own marriage, i never knew how to handle or maintain. But i'm not ashame of seeking help or advices from others. And thank god, Thomas and i are still walking down life's journey hand in hand.

I then give advices (that i got from others) to people who turn to me or need them. However, this time, i failed. I do not know how and what to do to help this couple (family) who meant so much to me. I just hope both of them can sit down and talk things out, as i believe through proper communication we gain understand. Through understanding we gain trust. Through trust we gain more love which is the foundation to build and maintain a family (marriage).

You know It When

You know he loves you and is trying his best when....

- he tries his best to make you laugh

- he allow himself to act silly and be like a fool just to earn a smile on your face
- he picks you up even when he is extremely tired

- he makes sure you've cash in your wallet every working day

- he texts you to remind you to have lunch

- he insist with a kiss when he drops you off work
- he drives into the bus lane just to catch your bus for work
- he loves cooking for you
- he calls to say he misses you
- he tells you that no matter what happens you'll still have him
- he says thank you for giving him such a beautiful daughter
- he hugs you from behind
- ... ... ... ... ... ....

Above all, you know he loves you when he is trying his best to provide for you.

Thank you, love!

Happy Holidays!

When the jingle bells ring, i know its time we reflect, bid the year goodbye and prepared to welcome another new year. For me, it holds another special meaning - to celebrate another marriage year with hubby.

2009 marks our 1st wedding anniversary. We faced alot of challenges through this year. From good to bad to worst, but i guess whats important is, at the end of the day, we both find the way back into each other arms again. Its not easy i must say. There are times when we break each other's heart, got really upset and disappointed with each other, scream our heads off, swear at each other with every word we had in our dictionary, etc etc. But there are also times when we cant bear to leave each other even for just a few hours, when we'll do silly things just to see that smile or hear the laughter, when you know we meant the whole world to each other, etc etc.

1 year being married, i must say i've learnt and grown alot. Knowing that i'll be welcoming 2010 being a mother, added stress and responsibilities, no doubt. But i guess, along the way, i'll learn, we'll learn. I can't guarantee, i'll be the best mum as well as the best wife for both my daughter and husband, but i'll do my best. Not forgetting, i'm trying my best to be a filial daughter to my parents as well.

I feel and know that i've let many down over the years, including myself. But i always tell myself, it's not the end and these are just temporary setbacks. I might avoid, might take a longer time to succeed, to repent or to make my mark again, but i wont resent. I'll hang on!

In the upcoming year, i've new roles to play, at the same time alot of things/tasks i would love to accomplish. I don't know if i can fulfill my list, but i'll be trying very hard. I don't ask of everyone's understand and support. But would love if my loved ones will stand by me and support me.

As i aged, i realised i yearn for things that most people my age wont. I don't ask for the indulgance in luxury, i don't need the attention from everyone, i don't fight for a stand or authority. What i yearn for is priceless. That is, more time with my family, more connection with my loved ones and more appreciation to the people and things surrounding me. Very old i might seemed, but when you've had enough of time busted and passed the phase of only living for yourself, you know the smile and laughter , well-being and happiness of your loved ones are utmost important - something that you'll fight and risk your life for.

To all my readers, what has 2009 brought you and what will you want your life chapter of 2010 be like? Will there be a history, you can sit by your grandchildren in future and be proud to share?? I know i would love to make history that someday in future, my grandchildren will be proud to share... ... ...

Have a great and enjoyable holiday!

Oh... Time Flies!

Just when i was soundly asleep exceptionally early, my hubby has to repeatedly call me soooo many times to check what am i up to and if i needed supper! OMG!!! I wanted to kill him then. Haa. Because the problem with me, i won't be able to get back to sleep once i am awaken. I need to be up by 630am later. See, now i'm still so awake! I don't know what to do.

Worst, i'm constipated. We forgot to top-up our 'laxatives' from my gynea last week. Till now, i still have problems poo-ing, even after i've tried all means. I swear i ate lotsa fresh fruits, drink plenty of water, etc etc. But still no signs. Driving me nuts just thinking of ways to make myself poo!

I'm over and done with my 2nd trimester. Time flies, huh?! I'm actually quite excited now. The thought of having just 3 months left before my baby girl POP, is making me quite anxious. I don't know how will it be like after that. I'm definately looking forward to it, though.

Being in my 3rd trimester, means i'm feeling soo soooo soooooo much heavier! I feel really clumsy and BIG. Though, i was reassured that i didn't grow very much in size, BUT i still FEEL BIG! I hope physically i wont grow any bigger. "Shannon, please eat and drink whatever mummy eat and drink so that she'll not grow fat!" Did i mention we're going for a pregnancy photoshoot sometime in November? Yes, we're. Will upload photos of me personally then.

My back is really experiencing the pressure now. I can't sit, stand or even lie down for too long. I can't eat like nobody's business now, because it causes me to feel bloated and uncomfortable. So now, i take alot of meals but in small portions. I drink lotsa water, cause most of the time i feel thristy. And... I didn't had fish throughout my whole 2nd trimester cause it just makes me wanna puke. Come to think of it, i LOVE fish before i was pregnant! Haa!

On the side note, marriage has been bittersweet. Hubby and i had our fair share of happy times, tearful moments, disagreements, 'cold-wars', etc etc. Sometimes, he made me really upset and disappointed that i was sooo despair and really have doubts. Yet every single time, he has his ways to snuggle right up into my arms again. (I've got a big baby, man.) We still have alot to learn from each other, alot to compromise and alot of issues here and there for us to resolve. Not mentioning, we've got another challenge coming her way. But i guess, everything will find its own way. Let's just hope for the best.

Nothing More I Could Asked For

Have you ever sit in front of the window, looking out at a open field, enjoying the raining breeze with a cuppa of hot tea, spending some quiet time to yourself and realised that you're actually very contented, loved and fortunate???

Oh well, i do.

I'm a stay-home-wife. My hubby works to supports the household and family. I never need to worry about not being able to meet the datelines, or worry if i'm making enough, all i need to do is open my mouth and ask. Yes, as useless as i can be. My hubby has never complained that i don't clean the whole house, i don't cook, i don't share his load and burden.

Seems like i've got a good life and everything i want? Nope. Price to pay? You don't get to see your hubby everyday, cause when he is home, you're soundly asleep, when you're awake, he's either still sleeping or is already out at work. Most of the time, you face the 42" TV at home and make friends with the nicely painted walls.

How sad that can be? Nope. Hubby wants me to go out with friends, he let's me do and go anywhere i want to, so long as i'll be home safely every end of day.

Shouldn't i be happy with life like that? Sadly, nope. Yes i'm contented, i'm loved and i'm really fortunate. But i guess i'm not as happy as who i was before.

The only time when i'm really happy, is when hubby is back home by my side, hugging me to sleep, kissing me goodnight/morning, making sure i'm feeling warm under the blanket, calls me any minute he can to say he miss me or to check on me, and spending time with me and my family over the weekends.

There's nothing more i could asked for, seriously.

Big Baby

This afternoon we went for our Week 10 check-up. This time to check if our baby's head has developed, heart rate, limbs, and my overall well-being.

And so, as you can see, our baby has developed normally till date and according to our gynea, our baby is a big baby (till date) too! As in by book, it's measuring at a 11 weeks old baby when by right, it's only a 10 weeks old baby. And, i've only gained 1kg so far! You can see my little bump now. I swear, i've already poo, urined, and this is NOT taken after a meal. Hee~~~

Amazingly, i must say i can feel that my baby can actually feel and hear me now. (Must be the mother's instinct.) Hubby also talks to our baby whenever he can. And when he saw his baby's head and heart beating this afternoon, i saw this glow he has. So beautiful. :)

Well, everything 'inside' is good. But everything outside, like tiny-weeny stretched marks, breakouts, dry skin, hair growing, dry lips, etc etc, are starting to knock on my doors! Oh... I wanna be a pretty mama! I wanna be a pretty preggy! ;p

Hubby has been really sweet so far and understanding as well. Though sometimes, he still gets overwhelmed by my never ending changes and demands, i know he is trying his best to make me feel better in any and many ways. And i really appreciate that alot.

2 more weeks to our OSCAR test... *phew*

Feeling Good

"Baby, you be good, let mummy sleep well tonight, wake up feeling good tomorrow, and mummy will bring you out for a walk, okie? Good night." I said.

Today, i woke up feeling a little discomfortable and again, i told my baby the same thing. After lunch, i felt so much better. Went for a shower, dressed up, and off we go. Met up with some friends for afternoon tea and dinner. When i reached home just now, i managed to even packed the whole room, did some spring cleaning, cleared some books, tidy up the room and wardrobe (when i can't stand the heat from the ironing, Hubby doesn't bother ironing his clothes now, and worst, he just throw all clothes into the wardrobe without packing it).

Well, i knew his wardrobe was at war, but i didn't wanna do anything to it, so just to see if he does it. Day by day, now weeks, his wardrobe is still at war! I finally packed it for him awhile ago. So happened he called, and i whined on and on about it, and he finally said he will do it tonight when he's home. (I seriously have a evil thought to mess up the whole of his wardrobe again!)

P/S: Before we got married, he always do the ironing, packed the wardrobe, clean the room. Now, he clean it once a week, i've never seen him ironing clothes or packed the wardrobe anymore. MEN!!!

Anyway, i had a great time going out, packing and clearing the room and wardrobes today. :)

Just Breathe

Well, and so the first quarter of 2009 has just passed me by, just like that. Yes, just like that! Nothing special or exteremely exciting that i've to share with you guys. However, i just my current blog is filled with all my emotions. Mostly during the down times, BUT, i'm not exceptionally depressed or whatsoever. Just that, some how, the growing years bring thoughts and emotions that are overwhelming to me. Too overwhelming, in fact.

Anyhow, tuition has been really tough. Especially, when parents now are way too demanding. Not to me, but to their precious ones. Of course, i can understand the expectations each parents hold, to ensure their little ones receives the very best and BE the very best. I don't blame them. Just imagine the pressure and stress level my kids (still working on it) will be facing in future. Geezz~~~ I'm beginning to enjoy teaching all over again. Though tiring but i guess it's the matter or getting used to it, as well as managing it.

Living life away from home (my maiden's) is really rough and tough. Trying really hard to hang on and pull through, but sometimes i just lack the support and strength to do so. I can't deny that i don't make the best wife in the world, neither do i stand on a logical point at all times, nor have i been totally understanding at all times, BUT i'm really trying very hard to keep reminding myself that no matter what happens, life still goes on and i just have to live up to it. Expect less, hope less. I miss home badly. Terribly.

Learnt: that when you try to get even with someone, he will hurt you even more. Therefore, let love build its ways up and it will heal all wounds.

I'm amazed by how calm, relaxing and 'sober' i can get just taking a slow and quiet walk along the street, on my way home. Enjoy the sunset. Enjoy life as it is and just breathe....

First Post In 2009

Okie, i'm 14 days late from the first day of 2009.

New year, new resolutions, new status.

I started off 2009 being wifey to someone, god-mother to 2 very lovely god-daughters, recovered from the car accident, permanently living with my in-laws, and terribly missing home.

First of all, a big THANK YOU to all my sisters who have helped out on my wedding and everyone who has witnessed and celebrated the very special day of ours with us. We had a great time, though tired, but happy! Really happy i mean! =D

We've also both recovered from the car accident. Though somehow i'm still traumatised by the accident, but i'm overcoming it kinda well. No front seat for me in future. Haa! Kidding. Thanks to those who was there with us to comfort and helped us on that scary night. Appreciate it alot. Especially to my parents and in-laws.

2 more days to Hubby's birthday. Have arranged with some of his buddies to be here with him and of course invited my very close friends to celebrate this day with him too. Hope to see all of them. :)

I'll be back to update soon... Don't have the heart to write at all, now.