Just Breathe

Well, and so the first quarter of 2009 has just passed me by, just like that. Yes, just like that! Nothing special or exteremely exciting that i've to share with you guys. However, i just my current blog is filled with all my emotions. Mostly during the down times, BUT, i'm not exceptionally depressed or whatsoever. Just that, some how, the growing years bring thoughts and emotions that are overwhelming to me. Too overwhelming, in fact.

Anyhow, tuition has been really tough. Especially, when parents now are way too demanding. Not to me, but to their precious ones. Of course, i can understand the expectations each parents hold, to ensure their little ones receives the very best and BE the very best. I don't blame them. Just imagine the pressure and stress level my kids (still working on it) will be facing in future. Geezz~~~ I'm beginning to enjoy teaching all over again. Though tiring but i guess it's the matter or getting used to it, as well as managing it.

Living life away from home (my maiden's) is really rough and tough. Trying really hard to hang on and pull through, but sometimes i just lack the support and strength to do so. I can't deny that i don't make the best wife in the world, neither do i stand on a logical point at all times, nor have i been totally understanding at all times, BUT i'm really trying very hard to keep reminding myself that no matter what happens, life still goes on and i just have to live up to it. Expect less, hope less. I miss home badly. Terribly.

Learnt: that when you try to get even with someone, he will hurt you even more. Therefore, let love build its ways up and it will heal all wounds.

I'm amazed by how calm, relaxing and 'sober' i can get just taking a slow and quiet walk along the street, on my way home. Enjoy the sunset. Enjoy life as it is and just breathe....

When My Mind Is Still

When my mind is still and alone with the beating of my heart,
I remember things too easily forgotten:
The purity of early love,
The maturity of unselfish love that asks -- desires -- nothing but another's good,
The idealism that has persisted through all the tempest of life.

When my mind is still and alone with the beating of my heart,
I can find a quiet assurance, an inner peace, in the core of my being.
It can face the doubt, the loneliness, the anxiety,
Can accept these harsh realities and can even grow
Because of these challenges to my essential being.

When my mind is still and alone with the beating of my heart,
I can sense my basic humanity,
And then I know that all men and women are my brothers and sisters.
Nothing but my own fear and distrust can separate me from the love of friends.
If I can trust others, accept them, enjoy them,
Then my life shall surely be richer and more full.
If I can accept others, this will help them to be more truly themselves,
And they will be more able to accept me.

When my mind is still and alone with the beating of my heart,
I know how much life has given me:
The history of the race, friends and family,
The opportunity to work, the chance to build myself.
Then wells within me the urge to live more abundantly,
With greater trust and joy,
With more profound seriousness and earnest service,
And yet more calmly at the heart of life.

A Long Time

Right, and so lately i've been really busy and tired. Busy giving tuition. Busy preparing assessments and test papers. Busy with household chores. With one word, BUSY!

It's been a really long long time i went on a date, hang out with friends till late, chilling out with my girls gossiping and chatting about everything under the sun, hogged the DVD player and TV watching my endless HongKong dramas, stayed online surfing any other websites... ... ...

I need a break! A holiday, maybe. A treat to pamper myself.

Phew~~~

Live On

Sometimes i wish i can hide my emotions from myself.
Sometimes i wish you would rather say: "Don't cry, i'm here." than "I'm sleeping, can you just stop crying.

I seriously don't know what's with life or maybe with me nowadays, but i know i've lost myself along the journey. I don't know why, i don't know when, i don't know how.

People don't cry for no reasons right? People to get upset for no better reasons isn't it?

I don't need the world to be happy. I don't need to be flity rich to live happy. I don't need all of everyone's time to be happy. All i need is your understanding and sensitivity towards my feelings to be happy.

No? You think otherwise. Humans are selfish indeed. And that's life.

Live on.

Counting Down To CNY

CNY begins on Monday. Since last weekend, we've been busy buying new year goodies, doing the spring cleaning, stocking up food to cook, etc etc. This year's special to me, cause there are 2 families Hubby and i need to visit. Reunion dinner with 2 families as well. Today, we had our reunion dinner with my in-laws and tomorrow we'll be having reunion dinner with my parents. After which, we'll all go to River Angpow and to the temple. I'm so looking forward to it.

I specially love CNY. Not because i get to receive red packets but i love the fact that the family get together, do nothing but just spend time together. And this year, Hubby and i experienced the 'feel' of preparing red packets to be given out. Gosh!!!

I'm so excited!!

P/S: I've got lotsa photos to upload for all the outings and events that we've attended or organized, but i've so little time to 'glue' myself infront of the lappy to do so. And i'm very sure after CNY, i'll have even more photos to share. Phew~~~!!!

Have a great CNY everyone!!!

First Post In 2009

Okie, i'm 14 days late from the first day of 2009.

New year, new resolutions, new status.

I started off 2009 being wifey to someone, god-mother to 2 very lovely god-daughters, recovered from the car accident, permanently living with my in-laws, and terribly missing home.

First of all, a big THANK YOU to all my sisters who have helped out on my wedding and everyone who has witnessed and celebrated the very special day of ours with us. We had a great time, though tired, but happy! Really happy i mean! =D

We've also both recovered from the car accident. Though somehow i'm still traumatised by the accident, but i'm overcoming it kinda well. No front seat for me in future. Haa! Kidding. Thanks to those who was there with us to comfort and helped us on that scary night. Appreciate it alot. Especially to my parents and in-laws.

2 more days to Hubby's birthday. Have arranged with some of his buddies to be here with him and of course invited my very close friends to celebrate this day with him too. Hope to see all of them. :)

I'll be back to update soon... Don't have the heart to write at all, now.

Losing Patience

And so... I've been losing my patience very easily and frequently lately. Just the slightest thing that happened can trigger that damn flame in me! Of course, my poor Hubby has been putting up with this.

Hmmm... I don't know what has gotten into me. Maybe i all i need is some alone time.

Ah, just let me run away for awhile... ... ...

Impatient

Recently i'm stucked with this new hongkong drama, 珠光寶氣. And i'm really getting very impatient with it. Due to its new realise, DVD rental shops doesn't have this drama in full set yet. Therefore, i'm always going down to them asking for the latest episode. ARGH!!!

How i wish i'm in hongkong now... So that i can catch every episode on time. Haa!!!

Hubby is going nuts with me complaining to him over this. HAA!!!

All I See Is Myself

What pisses you most on a weekend or a public holiday?! It's when you tried so hard to wake the log up beside you , yet fail, then you try so hard to fall asleep again, yet can't cause of that damn air-con that's making so much noise, and then now, more than half of the day has passed, you're up all alone sitting infront of the damn monitor typing this! OMG~~~ How interesting can any weekends or public holiday be?!

It's always the case. When we plan activities or chores to do together the next day, he'll have to sleep in the whole damn day. Then only wakes up when everyone else is turning in. And then keep complaining that the dateline is getting closer, he's very stress, very tired, etc. Who else isn't tired and stress?! Everyone is. Who wants to spend any weekends or public holidays just by sleeping it away?! I bet nobody wants to too. But argh well, i've lost heart! I started to look into the mirror and talk to myself...

Everywhere i go, i only see myself...!!!

Goodness

I fell asleep, awoke, snack abit, watched TV, surf the net, lie on bed, got irritated by not being able to fall sleep again, and here i'm typing this shitting thing at this shitting hour. Argh, it's been the whole week i couldn't get to sleep, and even if i managed to fall asleep i don't sleep well. It's killing me. And the pimples are popping out! Goodness!!!

I'm pretty busy and stress with the wedding preparation and people asking me about it. Well, not that i'm very reluctant to share, but just that i need a break lah. Sometimes, i just hope i can shut everyone of them up! Haa. Anyway, i do appreciate their concern of course.

The actual day is drawing close and i'm starting to feel nervous. Anxiety. I'm starting to worry what else have i not done or prepare, what other things we need to buy, etc etc. The list never seems to end. My tasks never seems to be completed. Oh god, we really deserve a good break man. Sponsors, pls???

And yah, i need lotsa hanging out with friends to lighten off my load manz! Call me, girls.

For now, I NEED TO SLEEP! ARGH!!!

I'm Blessed

Am staring blankly into the monitor. Not knowing what to do. Hubby is playing mahjong with his buddies and i'm done watching the HongKong drama. Really tired, but also this might be just a good time for me to update this little space of mine.

Woke up early this morning, packing the house for painting. Shifting and cleaning, shifting and cleaning. Oh man, only today i realised how much Hubby has dote on me. Since we started renovating the place, Hubby has always try to do things himself and work on his own. Everytime when there's cleaning and shifting to be done, he'll always give me the priviledge to lie on bed and enjoy watching my drama or surf the net. Today, i decided to help up abit since he needs to go to work this morning, and it was a torture to me. Just half a day, i can feel my bones breaking. Oh gosh, it's really killing me. But not a bad thing though, at least i know how much effort and physical strength Hubby has put in to build up this little cosy nest of ours. :)

Looking at him now, i felt really blissful and blessed. I'm laughing at myself for those times we fight like there's no tomorrow, i got really pissed off by him not fulfilling what i want, i pissed him off by throwing temper at him.

I'm an adult now. I must really grow up and understand the fact that, i'm not living for myself only. I've got a family to be responsible for, a future to look forward to, and of course not forgetting wanting to bring joy to the family by having KIDS! Yeah, kids rule!!! Haa~~~

Okie, i don't what i'm ranting about now. My mind is really switch off now. But i know, i can't wait to see my girls again. Oh by the way, our wedding pictures are ready. Should be able to share with you guys soon...

We're So In Love

Alright... So, many have been asking me who exactly is my Mr Right, my Husband-to-be, my partner for life. To kill the anticipation of everyone, let me introduce my fiance, Mr Thomas Koh.

Cool? Well, i'm not going to start typing his biography here for everyone, but there's something about him, everyone out there must know. That is, HE'S MINE! Haa!!!

I don't have time to share all our photos with you guys, but here are afew... Do enjoy our lovey dovey memories... ;p

We're still so very in love....

To Do or Not To

And so, when work comes in between the affairs of the heart, what is the last resort?! Resign. Yes, that's it. Because your boss won't resign, your boss's boss won't resign, your boss's boss's boss won't resign and the company's management won't change.

And makes you even more determine to resign?! Is when your hubby insisted on your resignation and make sure that he reminds you every other day that, today is the day. Tender, tender, TENDER!

Yes. Yes. Yes! I did it. Like after 1 whole month of struggling, i finally tender my resignation.

Of course, i made The Hubby the happiest man on earth. But i'm not quite sure if i am too. Apparently, i should and i do look so. But somehow, i just don't feel as good.

Anyway, what's done, is done! And i should be moving forward.

It's gonna be a real busy year end for me...

Is This Happening To Me?

If this amount of invoices didn't scare you off, don't worry, i've got alot more of them to show. Not mentioning those other miscellenous stuffs we bought for the big day. And the figures in all these invoices are slowly killing my excitment for our wedding... Haa!!!

Conclusion: Pls don't ever think of getting married if you don't have savings, or a better half who can afford, or if you're not filthy rich... ... ...

Okie, just kidding. But it pains my heart alot! Whahahaha... (Though i don't get to pay, but well, what's his is mine isn't it?! And so yah, it pains my heart!)

Anyway, we're really packed! We argued over alot of disagreements, miscommunication, lack of time and attention, the list goes on... The good thing is, we always managed to find our ways back into each other arms. And now, when each day ends, i get a little more nervous to our actual day.

I can't believe this is happening to me. I can't believe i'll be sharing life with someone else in 2 months time. I can't believe i'll be sharing the same bed with someone else every night. I can't believe i'll be starting life as someone else's daughter-in-law, someone else's wife. Omg~~~ I just can't believe this is happening to me!

Pls tell me i'm not dreaming, ain't i?!

Counting down... ... ... ...

Meeting My Parents

And so... Finally! Last evening, The Boyfriend dated my family for dinner at Lao Bei Jing, Tiong Bahru for dinner. The previous experienced there was bad. And mum really dislike the place. But we got no other choice as other restuarants were so packed! Anyway, last evening's dinner turned out to be good. The food was definately better than the previous time. And the service as well. However, there was this particular chinese lady who was really rude.

When i stepped into the restuarant, hoping someone will come asking for my total number of pax and offer to show me my sitting area, yet this bloody lady standing at the cashier asked me (in mandarin): "Miss, what do you want?!" What the f***! What do you mean what do i want? To eat of course, dumb arse! The Boyfriend shunned her and she actually act blur! Argh.. Lucky the other lady who serve us was nice, else i would have make sure they'll have a bloody good time from me.

Okie, and so.... Finally, last evening The Boyfriend break the news of his proposal to my parents and formally asked for my hand. Omg~~ I can't believe this is happening. They discuss some details for the marriage and the Actual Day (AD) of the wedding. And i'm so glad my parents and The Boyfriend can get along so well. It's been some time i see dad smile and laugh like last evening. He even cracked jokes! ;p

And so, the remaining 3 months will be very very very hectic for us. Let's enjoy it....