Becase I Love You

Some time back...

Me: "Why do you love me?"
The Boyfriend: "I love you because you love me, because we care for each other, because you need me to sayang you to bed, because you greet me with a kiss every single time, because during bad times you'll still stand by me, because i wanna spend the rest of my life with you, because i want you to be the only one i see when i fall asleep and when i wake up, and because i really have got no reasons to lie or not love you, and because i want you the way you want me, i know i love you."

Sometimes, the silly me will asked The Boyfriend silly question like this. Not because i don't trust him or i've doubts in him. But because, i really had nothing in mind and had no other intentions.

Time flies. We've been through shit, we fight as much too. But above all these, we shared many great time together as a couple too. And at the end of each day, we yearn so much to be in each other's arms.

I've been away for work for a couple of days. And i knew i love The Boyfriend even more each passing day. Because when i'm all alone in that foreign land, i felt his love for me, the care and concern he showered me with, the importance of keeping his mobile fully charged for me just in case i call, and the comfort he gave me at night to coax me to sleep.

It's times like that, you realised how much someone truly care and love you. That no matter what happens, he just want you home safely by his side.

Like what he always say, "There're no particular reasons why i love you, because when i can find reasons to love you, i'll have reasons not to love you too. But i know i love you, because whatever happens, be it good or bad, as long as i've you with me, i know everything will be alright."

Different Aspects Rather Emotional

I'm going on a day off to go for an interview tomorrow. The company (which i shall only reveal if i get the job), has quite a good offer for me. And it's an industry which i'm interested in and crazy over. Well, they mentioned they like my profile. But liking my profile is one thing. Whether or not i get the job is another.

I'm rather excited about this interview. And i haven't had this kinda feeling for a long time. The last time i had this feeling was when i just graduated from school and was going for my first interview with StarHub.

This July and beginning of August has made me realised many things. That's i've grown up to a certain extend. And i've learn and start to view things at different aspects.

Was talking to Sharon one night at East Coast, and we were talking bout how time flies and how we've all grown into different path of life. Yeah man, we surely did grow. Some to the better, some still the same, some worst! But well, everyone has their own focus and purpose.

Some of us are still searching through ourselves, deciding which and what is best for us to do. What we wanna do and how we're gonna do it. Some of us might take a longer time to discover ourselves, but i guess that's part and parcel of life. And each phase is a learning journey.

For the past a year and a half, i've been through shit. Many heartbreaks and of course amongst these, there're happy priceless memories i'll wanna keep for the rest of my life. Many i cherish, be it good or bad. And looking back at how we've all moved on, somehow brought a smile to my face.

I know some point down this life journey, many of us will move on and lead our own lives. Maybe we'll lost contact. Maybe we won't get to see each other as often. Maybe we won't even have time to ring each other every now and then to whine. But, one thing for sure i know. That is, no matter what happens, we'll always remember once, we've each other. And will keep each other in our hearts for the whole lifetime!

Awww... I'm so emotional.

I've got so much to say yet so little time to convey. So much to say yet physically strained. All thanks to the sleepless nights this week.

Maybe one day, we shall catch up for a cuppa coffee instead!

Something Is Wrong

It's been awhile...

Well, things aren't going smoothly. Yet not as bad though.

I've been feeling rather empty and lost lately. Nothing seems to go right on track, people just seems to drift apart and emotions are heavy.

A part of me, wanna just let go of everything and just lead life as it is, do what i wanna do and be happy. Yet a part of me, is holding back. I don't know what's wrong.

Many times, i find myself trying very hard to run away from life. Hoping there was a corner i can go hide in. A quiet and peaceful corner where noone will find me, nothing will bother me, and most importantly, a corner where all i need to bother about, is myself.

I don't know if its because i have yet grow up or am i trying to avoid growing up. I no longer have answers to my own doubts.

Something is missing. Something is wrong. And i just don't know what...

Nothing Else Matters

If you wanna know what's the greatest blessing life can bring me, that will be...

The Boyfriend: "No matter what happens, i just want a happy wife. And even if we're only left with a bowl of rice, we'll still share and pull through. I respect you and your decisions. Whatever you think is right, do it. Remember, i want you to be happy. Love you."

Which then, i realised nothing else matters, except for me to stop crying and make The Boyfriend a happy man. Because every will has its way. And i'm sure a solution will come its way. I'll get outta this shit!

And i know clearly, i still have got a group of girls, ever willing to reach out their hands to hold onto me. And to give away packets and packers of Kleenex.

So Eugenia, what's wrong with you?! Be strong. Move on!

Just to Kill Time

It's a rainy boring morning...

Which Disney Princess Am I?

You are Belle. You are strong, deep, and you are not a slave to petty superficial things. You are independent and allow yourself to see inner beauty without sacrificing your values. You are almost too good of a person

Which Part of The World Should I Live In?

You should live in Paris. The city of lights will appeal to your appreciation of beauty and romance. You are a lover and a poet by nature, and Paris' sensitive charms will be a perfect match for yours.

Which Sex and The City Character Am I?

You are Carrie. You know what you want out of a relationship and you're not afraid to keep moving until you get it. Wit and charm are your biggest turn-ons, and you like guys who appreciate you for your mind as much as your body. You have fun playing the dating game, but secretly you just can't wait to find the guy who sweeps you off your feet and carries you into the sunset.

Impatient

Like how The Boyfriend mentioned to me that he has waited impatiently for a couple of months to propose to me, i'm now waiting impatiently to exchange vows. Haa~~ More of an excitment maybe.

I wish i can turn back time, to the moment he proposed. So that, i'll use whatever magic-supernatural power to let time tick slowly and let that moment last forever. I wanna see that glow in his eyes again. That joy, that smile. To hold my hands tightly, telling me he loved me yesterday, and will love me today, tomorrow and forever.

And i wanna tell him again, that it's our love that keeps me strong, and i'll love him today, tomorrow and forever!

It's Our Love

When you truly care for and love someone, you don't look for faults, you don't look for answers, you don't look for mistakes. Instead, you accept the faults, you fight the mistakes and you overlook the excuses.

That's our love.

Forgiveness

True forgiveness isn't easy, but it transforms us significantly. To forgive is to love and to feel worthy of love. In that sense, it is always worthwhile.

Forgiveness is love in its most noble form.

With Bliss

Me: "Baby, will you forsake me?"
The Boyfriend: "Listen carefully, Eugenia Lee Chin Mei. I, Thomas Koh Seow Heong, will never forsake you, ever. Please have faith in me."

I was smiling with bliss. Can you see???

Embrace Imperfections

Time flies. Zoom... Half of year 2008 is almost gone! And the useless bum in me is still hanging around. Oh gosh. When oh when can i just stand up with my own feet and just face reality?!

Anyway, i must say things are picking up and i just hope i'll be able to handle and manage life as it comes. Well, i always have to remember: relax, calm down, and breathe... Things aren't that bad and think positive!

"Alright, hang on Eugenia! There're more to look forward to. More responsibilites awaiting you to fulfill. More beautiful things to rejoice over."

Real love doesn't demand perfection but embraces imperfection.

We're Different

Everyone living in this 21st century tend to have this mindset that men and women are the same, have equal abilities, react the same way to every situation, express our thoughts the same way, blah blah blah... Overall, most think that men and women ARE THE SAME!

Well, let's face it that men and women are different. Let's just admit that we've different ways in handling every situations, we've different needs, we've different desires, we react differently, etc etc etc...

But that doesn't mean we can't live together or whatsoever. We just need to spend a little more time to understand our differences, and with better understanding of the differences we've, we'll be able to accept and love each other as who we're.

Tears Only Make You Dependant

Lately, i've been really lost, or rather, i'm such a loser. Growing up is tough. Making decisions are tough. Having to learn to survive in this pragmatic world is tough. Having to challenge against myself emotionally and mentally is tough. To not have someone to understand how you feel and what you're going through is tough.

... ... ...

Overall, life is tough. And tears only make us more dependant.

Tightness in My Chest

I'll be setting off for a weekend get-away at Harris Batam Resort tomorrow afternoon, with The Boyfriend. Oh, i'm so looking forward. (Shall update once i'm back on Monday.)

This morning i was feeling rather unwell. The tightness in my chest is really killing me sometimes. I tried so hard to concentrate on my breathing so as to ease the pain. You know, i've got this same kinda shit a few years back. And that was when i was still teaching in school and studying part-time at night. Back then, it was worst. Cause i've got very bad migranes. My doctor's advices are to relax, breathe slowly, and slow down my foot steps. He thinks i'm too tensed. Okie, fine. So i took up Yoga. I started to let things come its way, and slow down my pace. Things got pretty much better i must say. So much so that i don't feel that tightness in my chest anymore.

Yet lately, this sucky feeling came back again. I'm not teaching, neither am i studying part-time now. At first, The Boyfriend and i thought maybe i'm too stress up about our wedding preparation and such. But nope! I realised last night that it's not the reason. The Boyfriend was pretty worried at first, as he thought i got so stressed up about marrying him that i almost break down.

And... The fact is... I don't know what am i really stress over too!

Have you guys have got this feeling when sometimes, you just wanna be left all alone? You don't wanna talk, you don't give a damn bout what's happening around you, you don't care how people look at you when you're walking along the streets or window-shopping aimlessly in a big mall alone. Even the most urgent matter don't seems urgent to you! Oh well, i felt this way lately. Yet when The Boyfriend asked, i didn't know how to explain to him.

This morning i felt that tightness in my chest again. I felt so restless. So sick. So terrible horrible. Till i got this,

The Boyfriend: "Baby, please consult a doctor, we have a holiday tomorrow my dear. Promise me to rest well today and enjoy the weekend with me. Please darling, please!

And my replied was such a pain-in-the-arse, "How to? I think i need to over time tonight."

The Boyfriend: "But you're not feeling well, you know. And i got ops tonight, won't be able to pick you."
Me: "It's fine. I'll be better off alone."
The Boyfriend: "No dear. :( My heart pain."

Argh, I'm such a bitch sometimes.

Sweetish

I recalled something sweet…

The Boyfriend: “Darling, where are you? I was frighten not seeing you beside me when i woke up.”
Me: “I’m a AMK Hub. Why?”
The Boyfriend: “What time you wanna come home?”
Me: “Soon. You want me to buy dinner is it?”
The Boyfriend: “No. I come and pick you.”
Me: “Nah, it’s alright. Don’t trouble. I’ll buy dinner for you, what would you like to have?”
The Boyfriend: “Darling, you know i don’t have anything to give you, neither do i’ve a chauffer to drive you around, i don’t have a big car too. All i’ve is my old car and myself to give you. So let me come pick you, okie? And we’ll go have dinner together.”

Right infront of my manicurist, i teared! She thought she had injured me or something. But, nope! The Boyfriend bring me to tears.

Sometimes, you really don't have to say much to express your love to someone. It's not the loud bombastic words you'd use, it's not the expensive gifts you'd buy, etc. It's the genuine love you've for someone. And those small little things that he has done, that doesn't seems to appeal to anyone else, except yourself.

An Hour

"If am left with an hour to live, i'll wanna spend my last hour with you. To share with you all our good times and will want you to know that i appreciate having you through our tough times as well. And when i'm left with an hour to love, i'll want you to slow down with life and listen to yourself, feel your heart, cause that's where i'll always be..."

Had a long and lonely journey home last night after dinner with Felicia. While listening to my MP3 and looking outta bus's window, observing every moving traffic, i start to realise how short an hour is. Yes, the journey might be long. But when you stop the rush and slow down to look at things, appreciating it, an hour is really a very short period.

The Boyfriend always say: "We've a whole lifetime to do whatever we wanna do together." Yet, he didn't realise how short even an hour is. Yes, the fact that he emphasis on how much he can't wait to spend the rest of his life with me and how much he loves me, sometimes i just hope he'd slow down a little bit to sit beside me, appreciate what we have and to just spend some quiet time together.

The Boyfriend always tried his best to provide me with everything and giving me what he can, and he is still trying. But never did he know that, i don't need him to earn big bucks, i don't need all of his time or even expect him to put me in his first priority in every situations. All i need is just a little bit of his time to share with me his life and to share with me my life.

On a side note, my family have been really encouraging and comforting as well. My parents have stood by me all these while when i needed their TLC the most. My sister has been a great company and a great help on The Boyfriend's side business as well. Sarah has grown up so much and is healthy and strong. Love her to bits. Her smile just never fail to put a smile on my face as well..

Friends: Have been making effort to catch up with some friends every other day for dinner and such. And hearing them share what had happened to them lately is really interesting. And also made me realised how much i've neglected my friends. How much i haven't been listening to them. And how much i've forgot that as much as i needed to be there for me, they need me to be there for them too. I really hope that at any point of time, if i render any help, i would really love to reach out my hands.

Well, i don't know what it is that's on my mind now. Maybe i'm just feeling a little moody and exhuasted. Whatever it is, i hope this phase pass soon...