The Pain Still Lingers

Ahma, can you still hear me???

在细汉的时阵阮阿嬷对我尚好甲尚好的东西拢会留乎我伊嘛定定带我去幼稚园看人在七桃看人在办公伙儿

看人在觅相找伊定定跟阮说 叫阮着要好好仔读册呒通大汉像恁老爸仔彼呢啊狼狈ㄛ在彼个时阵　阮拢听拢呒阿嬷 你到底是在讲什么

大汉了后　才知影阿嬷的话我会甲永远永远放块心肝底想到一步一步的过去定定拢会乎人真难忘时间一分一秒块过去在阮的心内定定拢会想到伊

阿嬷你今嘛在叨位阮在叫你你甘有听到阮的认真甲阮的成功你甘有看到阮在叫你你知影没

阿嬷你今嘛过的好么甘有人块甲你照顾希望后世人阮搁会冻来乎你疼作你永远的孙仔搁叫你一声阿嬷

想到一步一步的过去定定拢会乎人真难忘时间一分一秒块过去在阮的心内定定拢会想到伊

Exactly what i've repeatedly kept saying to her in my heart. Except for the part, asking if she has seen my success. Which in fact, i've yet succeed in anything in life. I remember my last conversation with her, i still lied to her telling her that, yes i'm working when she asked me about it. But i don't have a job at all, to start off with.

I was scared. I couldn't accept the fact that i've lost her suddenly. I didn't wanna admit and face it. I couldn't even see her for the very last time. Deep down, everyday at her wake, i didn't like it when i see her picture. I just can't accept it.

Yet on the day of her funeral, the pain was so sharp, so strong that till today, it still lingers in me. I didn't know that i actually loved and missed her alot. And that day when we were at the temple, bidding our last goodbye, i saw my grandpa's picture beside hers. I cried even harder. The pain was so overwhelming. I do actually missed both of them ALOT.

Then i realised... I don't think i can accept any of my other loved ones leaving me. Again. Though i know one day people will sure go... But somehow, i wish i don't have to go through this pain again. And as silly as i can be, i wish i would go before any of them...

Oh... Time Flies!

Just when i was soundly asleep exceptionally early, my hubby has to repeatedly call me soooo many times to check what am i up to and if i needed supper! OMG!!! I wanted to kill him then. Haa. Because the problem with me, i won't be able to get back to sleep once i am awaken. I need to be up by 630am later. See, now i'm still so awake! I don't know what to do.

Worst, i'm constipated. We forgot to top-up our 'laxatives' from my gynea last week. Till now, i still have problems poo-ing, even after i've tried all means. I swear i ate lotsa fresh fruits, drink plenty of water, etc etc. But still no signs. Driving me nuts just thinking of ways to make myself poo!

I'm over and done with my 2nd trimester. Time flies, huh?! I'm actually quite excited now. The thought of having just 3 months left before my baby girl POP, is making me quite anxious. I don't know how will it be like after that. I'm definately looking forward to it, though.

Being in my 3rd trimester, means i'm feeling soo soooo soooooo much heavier! I feel really clumsy and BIG. Though, i was reassured that i didn't grow very much in size, BUT i still FEEL BIG! I hope physically i wont grow any bigger. "Shannon, please eat and drink whatever mummy eat and drink so that she'll not grow fat!" Did i mention we're going for a pregnancy photoshoot sometime in November? Yes, we're. Will upload photos of me personally then.

My back is really experiencing the pressure now. I can't sit, stand or even lie down for too long. I can't eat like nobody's business now, because it causes me to feel bloated and uncomfortable. So now, i take alot of meals but in small portions. I drink lotsa water, cause most of the time i feel thristy. And... I didn't had fish throughout my whole 2nd trimester cause it just makes me wanna puke. Come to think of it, i LOVE fish before i was pregnant! Haa!

On the side note, marriage has been bittersweet. Hubby and i had our fair share of happy times, tearful moments, disagreements, 'cold-wars', etc etc. Sometimes, he made me really upset and disappointed that i was sooo despair and really have doubts. Yet every single time, he has his ways to snuggle right up into my arms again. (I've got a big baby, man.) We still have alot to learn from each other, alot to compromise and alot of issues here and there for us to resolve. Not mentioning, we've got another challenge coming her way. But i guess, everything will find its own way. Let's just hope for the best.

If

If i've a choice, i would love to re-live my adulthood again. I would make decisions i wouldn't have made, i wouldn't have made mistakes i've made. I would ensure whatever i do, i wouldn't have regretted. I would do alot of things in different ways.

If only i've a choice...

Now... It seems like, i don't have a choice, except to live on and make the best outta my life.

A New Look

All these while, i've been with my long straight hair.

No change. Except for the occasional hair cut, the bangs, or parting of fringe.

Reason being, i never thought curls will look good in me. Cause i've got thick heavy stubborn hair. Yet recently, i'm crazy over having curls. Of course, being pregnant i know no hairstylist will do my curls for me. So, i borrowed a hair curler from Fannie and try doing it myself.

So, i must say, i like it alot. But on days, i managed to get it done very nicely. Perfect. But on days, i just couldn't get it fix and i gotta leave the house with that ugly curls. Haa!

Hubby love the curls, though. So, i'm so going to get it done once i've POP my little girl. Looking forward... 18 more weeks!

Amazed

Last night, Shannon was really active. She kept moving non-stop and i can't get to sleep.

I tried holding onto hubby's hand, close to my tummy, hoping he can feel his girl move. Suddenly, he exclaimed: "I feel it!". Oh.. I was so surprised then. Cuz Shannon is still very small at this stage, therefore, i thought only i can feel her moving.

What amazed me most is, when i ask her to move harder to let her daddy feel her again, she really did move again. This time, her kick was firm.

I'm amazed!

This is such a bliss. :)

Mondays Are Never Blue

What to do on a Monday afternoon???

Find a place to relax, have a good lloooonnnngggg lunch, enjoy a good cuppa tea and.... Read your favourite novel!

Well, not only on Mondays, i spent most of my available weekdays enjoying my afternoon this way. =D

What's best? You know your best girlfriend (Babe, i think we can celebrate our one decade anniversary?!) enjoys doing the same thing too! Awww... Sometimes, you just don't have a speak to make yourself known.

Mondays are never blue... ;p

Shannon or Daphne?

Alrightie. I know i've been missing from updates. Lotsa it, in fact. But i'm so lazy... (Blogging needs 'mood', you know!)

Anyway, i'm already 18 weeks pregnant. And my bump is physically visible now! You'd be surprised, there're lotsa people out there who are very inconsiderate and ignorant! Young boys think their lives are more important, youth think that they needed rest time more than you do (and oh, think that their shoes are made of gold!), adults who are rude and inconsiderate, the list goes on. It's the old folks who give up their seats to you, help you with the door, help you with your food, etc etc. OMG!!! What has the world turn into???

Among all, i'm even more ashamed to say that, it's the Chinese who are the most selfish ones. Over these few weeks, it's always the other races who are giving up their seats to me, helping me with the door, etc etc. We've Chinese here in SG, young ones, knowing that you've been waiting for a cab along the road for so long, standing for so long and finally saw one available cab approaching you, he can just stand infront of you and hopped into it. He doesn't feel ashamed neither was he apologetic. AHHH!!! I tell you, i've got so many incidents to share about all these inconsiderate people. Whahaha~~

Okie, back to my pregnancy updates. not sure if i've mentioned about my complication, Placenta Seperation, in my blog before, but i'm sure you (my friends) should have heard from me personally. Good news, i'm recovering from it. No more bleeding. But still on medication and rest. Other than this, i've been feeling the 'stretching' sensation and slight pain on my abdomen, tummy area and back! Oh dear, i can't imagine when the load gets heavier. Hopefully, it won't be as bad as i thought. (Promise, pictures up soon!)

Okie, and another news is... Our baby is... A.... GIRL!!! I'm still considering if i should decide on the name Shannon or Daphne. People, pls comment! By the way, if you need to know, her surname will be Koh.

So when it's a girl, means more money spending, more shopping, more protective, more vain, more of everything! Whahaha~~~ I can't resist the temptation of all the sweet clothes and stuffs. But i know baby outgrown them very fast and i'm sure she will have lotsa passed downs from all the sisters.. So.. Control, control, control!

I seriously can't wait for her to arrive! Impatiently...

How Can I Not Worry?

Hmmm... What makes an expecting woman worried most???

When she see red!! Yes, yes. I'm having some kinda complications, called the Placenta Seperation. Accordingly to my gynea, mine is just minor as my placenta is not seperated from my uterus wall very badly. However, if it continue to 'split', then it'll be a very bad sign as my baby won't be able to get sufficent nutrients, water, food from me. Till date, everything is still under control and my baby is growing well. Still, how can i not worry???

On a side note, my tummy is showing now. I'm still eating alot. But i guess it's fine, as i eat with small portions every meals. I'm still having breakouts and losing alot of hair each day! I can't fit into my skirts, shorts and pants now. Sobz!!!

Need to get a fews new stretchable pants, shorts and skirts, and maybe some babydoll dresses. You know, maternity wears are really expensive!!! ;p

And oh yah, my sis had given birth to a lovely boy, Tino. Haven't have a chance to hold him in my arms yet. But will go visit them again soon. :)

I'm so random today. Very tired now. Bye... ...

Nothing More I Could Asked For

Have you ever sit in front of the window, looking out at a open field, enjoying the raining breeze with a cuppa of hot tea, spending some quiet time to yourself and realised that you're actually very contented, loved and fortunate???

Oh well, i do.

I'm a stay-home-wife. My hubby works to supports the household and family. I never need to worry about not being able to meet the datelines, or worry if i'm making enough, all i need to do is open my mouth and ask. Yes, as useless as i can be. My hubby has never complained that i don't clean the whole house, i don't cook, i don't share his load and burden.

Seems like i've got a good life and everything i want? Nope. Price to pay? You don't get to see your hubby everyday, cause when he is home, you're soundly asleep, when you're awake, he's either still sleeping or is already out at work. Most of the time, you face the 42" TV at home and make friends with the nicely painted walls.

How sad that can be? Nope. Hubby wants me to go out with friends, he let's me do and go anywhere i want to, so long as i'll be home safely every end of day.

Shouldn't i be happy with life like that? Sadly, nope. Yes i'm contented, i'm loved and i'm really fortunate. But i guess i'm not as happy as who i was before.

The only time when i'm really happy, is when hubby is back home by my side, hugging me to sleep, kissing me goodnight/morning, making sure i'm feeling warm under the blanket, calls me any minute he can to say he miss me or to check on me, and spending time with me and my family over the weekends.

There's nothing more i could asked for, seriously.

Pregnancy: Week 12

Woohoo!!! I'm half way through out week 12 and i can't wait to bid our first trimester goodbye!

Yes, the shorts and skirts and getting tighter. Most of my dresses doesn't fit nicely now. And i'm left with a few choices of clothes. So actually i feel very uniformed these days... I need people to share their trendy maternity clothes with me! Any givers??? Hee~~~

And yes, the outbreaks aren't getting any better. Worst in fact! And on some days, i'm just to frecked out to leave the house. OMG~~~

I feel very fat and heavy! That's why i can't imagine i've still got 2 more trimester to survive through. I'm going be like a big giant! And oh.. My hubby won't wanna see by then... Sobz! Whahaha!!!

Anyway, we went for our OSCAR test last Friday. Results not known then. But we'll be visiting the Gynea next week, so we'll be able to get the results by then. Hopefully, i don't receive any calls from Dr. Kee. No news is good news!

I was really amazed by the fact that my baby has developed his legs and hands, eyes and nose. I saw him waving and stroking his own head from the ultrasound. Too bad, i can't video that down and show it to you guys! But... I can show you guys a picture of him!!! ;p

I'm so looking forward to start our second trimester. Oh, com'on baby!!!

What To Do?

What to do to make yourself feel better during the terrible 1st trimester of pregnancy???

Trim. Trim your hair. Or change a new hair style. I went to trim my hair. Feels lighter now. And i like it. Though i don't look any different, but i feel different! And that's what's most important! To feel good.

Shop. Start looking around for reasonable, affordable maternity clothes. Like skirts, shorts, pants and dresses. Or anything that fits you comfortably. When you wear comfortably, you feel good, and ultimately you look good.

Pamper. Yes yes yes!!! Go for facials, put on masks, mosturize your face and body, go for pedicure and menicure, make-up, dress up, anything, everything! Go for high-teas, hang out with friends, go for a movie, etc etc. Anything that will make you feel happy, go!

Clean. Clean your room. Plan for space to accomodate your new addition to the family.

Talk. Talk, talk and talk. Talk about anything that bothers you, excites you, amuses you, everything. Talk to people to enjoy talking to. Your parents, siblings, spouse, friends, relatives.

Eat. Eat what you like, except for those that your gynea specifically instructed you to avoid. Eat when you feel like to. Eat when you crave for something. But of course, to make sure you don't grow into the plus size within these 9 months, eat with moderation. Take fruits. Drink juices and plenty of water.

Sleep. Take naps. Rest when you're tired.

Well, these are what i do everyday. Might sound boring to you. But these are what makes me feel better everyday. These made my everyday happier. I'm looking forward to start my 2nd trimester, so that i can start doing Yoga and some excerises. Woohoo~~~!!! Can't wait...

Till then... ...

Big Baby

This afternoon we went for our Week 10 check-up. This time to check if our baby's head has developed, heart rate, limbs, and my overall well-being.

And so, as you can see, our baby has developed normally till date and according to our gynea, our baby is a big baby (till date) too! As in by book, it's measuring at a 11 weeks old baby when by right, it's only a 10 weeks old baby. And, i've only gained 1kg so far! You can see my little bump now. I swear, i've already poo, urined, and this is NOT taken after a meal. Hee~~~

Amazingly, i must say i can feel that my baby can actually feel and hear me now. (Must be the mother's instinct.) Hubby also talks to our baby whenever he can. And when he saw his baby's head and heart beating this afternoon, i saw this glow he has. So beautiful. :)

Well, everything 'inside' is good. But everything outside, like tiny-weeny stretched marks, breakouts, dry skin, hair growing, dry lips, etc etc, are starting to knock on my doors! Oh... I wanna be a pretty mama! I wanna be a pretty preggy! ;p

Hubby has been really sweet so far and understanding as well. Though sometimes, he still gets overwhelmed by my never ending changes and demands, i know he is trying his best to make me feel better in any and many ways. And i really appreciate that alot.

2 more weeks to our OSCAR test... *phew*

Feeling Good

"Baby, you be good, let mummy sleep well tonight, wake up feeling good tomorrow, and mummy will bring you out for a walk, okie? Good night." I said.

Today, i woke up feeling a little discomfortable and again, i told my baby the same thing. After lunch, i felt so much better. Went for a shower, dressed up, and off we go. Met up with some friends for afternoon tea and dinner. When i reached home just now, i managed to even packed the whole room, did some spring cleaning, cleared some books, tidy up the room and wardrobe (when i can't stand the heat from the ironing, Hubby doesn't bother ironing his clothes now, and worst, he just throw all clothes into the wardrobe without packing it).

Well, i knew his wardrobe was at war, but i didn't wanna do anything to it, so just to see if he does it. Day by day, now weeks, his wardrobe is still at war! I finally packed it for him awhile ago. So happened he called, and i whined on and on about it, and he finally said he will do it tonight when he's home. (I seriously have a evil thought to mess up the whole of his wardrobe again!)

P/S: Before we got married, he always do the ironing, packed the wardrobe, clean the room. Now, he clean it once a week, i've never seen him ironing clothes or packed the wardrobe anymore. MEN!!!

Anyway, i had a great time going out, packing and clearing the room and wardrobes today. :)

Pregnancy: Week 8

Appetite is better. Pimples are popping out. Hubby notice i grew a little rounder. My breast are full and heavy, but it doesn't hurt as much now. I'm slowly getting used to the aches and changes. Trying very hard to be really diligent everyday to apply moisturising cream on my waist, tummy, buttocks and thighs!

2 more weeks to our next appointment with the gynea. And this time we should be able to see a more developed and grown baby. We're actually looking forward. As we can't visually see a growing tummy now, we specially look forward to our appointment to see if our baby is growing healthy and well.

My mood swings are bad though. And i'm getting so so tired and restless. Really hope i can get through this soon and enjoy the remaining journey...

Pregnancy: Week 7

This week passed really quickly. And i was relieved! Most days are spend at my maiden's, hanging out with my parents, and trying to explore my changing body.

Now i know having small frequent meals at night till i finally decided go to bed, ease my discomforts during the day when i wake up. I carry a water bottle everywhere i go now, cause i felt thristy very frequently now. I frequent the toilets alot too! I got pissed off by inconsiderate parents and kids in public transports, and those reckless taxi drivers.

I really eat alot these days. But the lucky thing is, i'm still maintaining the weight. But i know i'm gonna bid bye-bye to this in a month's time. Boo-whoo!!

Anyway, we went to the gynea on Saturday and did an ultrascan. Baby's normal and growing. But this time it amazed us even more. It's heartbeat. Very strong and fast! 158bpm. Faster than mine! Whoosh~~~!!! And you can see something flickering on the screen (the heartbeat) which makes you wanna cry... Omg~~ I'm amazed!

The next time i'm gonna cry over is my growing belly.... .... .....